WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO OFFER?

My niece said, she will not date a man that has nothing to offer her. She has to know what he is bringing to the table before she can agree to a relationship.

She does not want a man that will take from her and not give anything in return.

Take from her, does not mean only love and intimacy. She mentioned her time, respect, Kindness, fidelity, loyalty, including her prayers and many more.

She does not want to be the only one making all the sacrifices. He also has to be seen as been active and involved in the relationship.

I quite agree with her, not because she is my niece. She made some salient points that l found valid.

Some people are actually looking for help not a real relationship and that is their primary motive for going into a union.

They just want to take and take without giving anything in return, even the non physical things. This is not about a man or a woman, it is both.

If a man cannot offer you a gift, he should be able to offer you kindness. If he cannot be loyal to you then he should be faithful and so forth.

Something has just got to give. It is important to know your proposed partner is ready to make sacrifices and he or she is sincere about it. This will give you an idea of what to expect.

If you’re willing to pray for his wellbeing, he should also be willing to say a prayer for you. Aside that, if you give her your time, she should also do the same too. Not becoming too busy to spend her time with you.

We should not fool ourselves at the altar of love. Playing nice to a carefree partner is simply naive.

Love is give and take, it should be so for equity sake.

So what have you got to offer your partner?

KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT

I like it when a man tells me exactly what he wants from me or what he is expecting from our relationship.

It makes life and the relationship a lot easier to manage and you wouldn’t have to waste precious time on a partner that is not meeting your needs and desires.

I didn’t start out knowing what I wanted from my romantic relationship. Mine was to fall in love and just go with the flow.

Apparently, that didn’t work out for me because I was floating in an empty relationship that didn’t fulfill my heart desires.

Years down the line with maturity, I seriously know what I want from my man and I won’t probably settle for too less.

My fruit should not fall far from it’s tree. That is how, I view my choices now.

There are men and women who are very honest from the beginning. They lay their cards bare on the table and are prepared to walk away instead of compromising their integrity.

Some men who knows what they want and are not afraid to ask for it, will tell you they are just looking to have fun with you, no marriage, no babies. That is fair and honest enough.

If you want the same thing with this person, go for it otherwise look for someone else who wants what you want. Who is ready to take full responsibility when it happens.

Some women will agree to this arrangement and still get pregnant with the hope that the man will change his mind and marry them.

When that does not happen, they cry foul.

If a person has told you, what he or she wants from you from the beginning and you agree to it. You don’t need to pull a fast one or be disappointed with the outcome of the relationship if you derailed.

I can never put myself in a baby mama situation, unless I’m willing to solely take care of that child.

That is why we have to set a relationship standard for ourselves from the beginning and not jump into any relationship.

I’ve learnt my life lessons the hard way and it’s painful to be in an unsatisfying relationship. You will just be drifting through life until something gives.

This is your life and you get to live it once, no season two. It is not worth wasting time in a relationship that only makes you uncomfortable.

Be with someone that will treat you right or walk away, if he or she is not right for you before you invest too much of your time in the relationship.

A partner that can meet 65% of my relationship needs is a pass mark to me.

To avoid confusion and disappointment in your romantic life. Identify what your relationship needs are, the kind of partner you wish to be with and stick with it. That doesn’t mean you’re not flexible, you’re only been cautious.

You will be a lot happier if you’re with the kind of partner your heart desire, instead of trying to change or hoping someone will change to the type of partner you want.

Don’t sell yourself short or you will look back in regret.

AN ULTIMATUM

If you cannot match your words with action, please don’t give your partner an ultimatum. You will only make him or her dismiss your words and take you more for granted.

I’ve seen men and women threaten to walk out of their relationship for being taken for granted but they end up eating their words and ignored by their partner.

Some partner may change for the better if they feel their relationship is truly threatened by the ultimatum.
Others can be lackadaisical about it, hoping their partner will not go through with the threat.

While some partners will stand their ground and wait for you, to do your worse. Especially when they are not sober or are being accused wrongly.

Don’t just throw out words, to scare or intimidate your partner if you’re not ready or strong enough to see it to a logical conclusion. It will only make you look unserious and more open to abuse.

If you give your partner an ultimatum for cheating on you, to either stop or risk the chance of losing you. Put your words into action and don’t back down until you’re taken serious.

You must also confirm your partner is guilty of your accusation before you reel out threat or it might backfire on you, if you’re wrong.

Moreover don’t make it a way of life or a regular thing because your partner will see it as a joke.

I implore you, not to use it as a cheap blackmail because you know your partner loves you and will do your bidding. That to me, is manipulative.

Using an ultimatum as a tool for blackmail and revenge in the bedroom is tasteless, so don’t play a tit for tat game with your partner.

People don’t like to be threatened, only give an ultimatum when it is absolutely necessary and when you have exhausted other means. It will carry more weight when it is seldomly used.

Above all, say it only when you mean it and do unto others as you want others to do unto you.

NO MORE ARGUMENT

I believe couples can live together without constant argument. We all know that most argument can lead to friction, even when it’s not intended. So why can’t we avoid it.

I’m usually not a confrontational person, I will rather walk away than get into a fight with anyone.

You may think I’m docile because I don’t act on my anger. Well I am not, I just don’t see the need to burnout myself over every issue.

For instance if something is blue and you insist it is black, instead of it to degenerate into an argument, I will assume you choose to see it that way. It may also appear black from your own angle or you’re colour blind.

That will not necessarily change my own view of the colour.

I don’t like to force my opinion on anyone and you don’t have to always agree with my view neither do I have to always agree with yours.

When I try to explain something to you and you don’t see it my way, I will back off before it turns ugly.

It is necessary to also keep quiet when your partner is fuming because arguing with him or her at that point, will only make things worse. Silence sometimes is golden.

In conclusion, if you’re the type that always like to argue with your partner, start small by ignoring mundane issues.

If you have to argue, don’t over stretch it. From thereon you will see the need to stop arguing. Don’t feed your anger with argument.

You can always make your point clear without forcing it.

Being peaceful doesn’t make you a coward and you don’t need to prove you’re right all the time.

If you need peace, give peace.

No more argument please!

EQUAL PARTNERSHIP

Every relationship is a partnership because it involves two people who have a common goal and agree to unite in love, to enable them live happily ever after.

There are people who doesn’t believe in equal partnership, they believe they are the superior partner in their relationships. Some even believe they are god and their partners are their slaves.

Why should you see the person you love as a lesser being and why would anyone agree to be seen as such, all in the name of love.

Some people accept to be treated like a slave in their relationship because they are helplessly in love, for money, for sex and for fear of being alone. Don’t make yourself worthless because it is not good for your psyche. No one deserves to be treated in a demeaning way. Respect your partner and demand same in return.

Treat your partner as your friend, lover and your equal and your relationship will flourish. Don’t let your ego grow out of proportion and don’t let money control you.

If your partner feels entitled to be treated like a king or queen but treats you otherwise, that relationship is not equal. Don’t waste your time on a partner who doesn’t reciprocate your affection. Above all, do unto your partner as you want him or her to do unto you.

“SORRY” CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE

There are people who find it difficult to apologise when they are at fault, some are stubborn with a huge ego and some don’t even know they are wrong. Anyway, we can not always be right and it won’t kill anyone to say “I’m sorry”

For the sake of stopping an argument sometimes, I simply say sorry and move on. That saves a lot of bad blood and unnecessary tension between people, especially couples.

There is no way you can be in a relationship and not have misunderstandings or get into a fight even over mundane things. The ability to say sorry helps to heal quickly and put a stop to what might turn into a big fight. You don’t have to argue it out, there and then.

Saying sorry to your partner when you are wrong shouldn’t be seen as a big deal. Even when you’re right sometimes, for peace sake apologise and complain later when both of you are in a better mood.

I’ve apologised on some occasions, when it was my partner’s fault.

In one of those times, we were at a public function and I couldn’t be seen arguing with him. It was after we got home and we talked about it that he realised he was wrong.

Some people just don’t see anything wrong in what they do. You have to be patient with such people and work things out amicably. That doesn’t make you a fool, it only shows you’re calm and peaceful.

For men who think the only way to take charge and be in control of their relationships, is by been bossy and never saying sorry when they are wrong, I’ve got news for you. You’re just grooming a bitter woman, who will always hold a grudge against you, no matter how much she loves you.

She will never feel truly loved by you, even if she doesn’t complain. It won’t make you less a man to say, “I’m sorry” A good woman won’t ever take you for granted for apologising to her, infact she will love you more.

For women who feels too proud to say sorry to their partner, you will only end up scaring a good man away.

Another thing about saying sorry is that, you have to say it because you mean it.

Don’t say it scornfully or say it just to keep your partner quiet. Don’t also go back doing the same thing and rushing to apologise. That means you’re taking your partner for granted.

You have to want peace and work for it in your relationship, before you can get it.

Always find a peaceful way of resolving issues between you and your partner. Please learn how to genuinely say sorry and enjoy a warm relationship.

LOVE AND PRIDE

I’ve met people who are so full of pride, they find it difficult to apologize even when they are clearly wrong. When in love or in a relationship, you have to humble yourself and learn to say “I’m sorry” no matter who you are. Many people use pride to create an icy wall between them and their partner.

Relationships are not meant to be a competition between partners. It’s not a forum to fluant your wealth, college degrees, your position in society or your looks. Before you agree to date or marry a person you must have been ready to come to the level of whoever you chose to be with.

A female lawyer can’t date a bar tender and feel she is the superior partner. Not even a president of a country is allowed to treat his or her spouse as one of his/ her subject. In a romantic partnership, you’re the same. Equal!

I’ve seen people go into relationships with a huge ego, both male and female. Some believe they are doing their partner a favour by dating or marrying them.

Some ladies or men from wealthy families who marry a lower class partner always have attitude issues. The women wants to be treated like royalty and be seen as the superior partner. While the men enjoy their ego been rubbed by their partners.

They also want their wives to be at their beck and call. Commanding and controlling them like a personal property with numerous concubines here and there.

No one can expect a relationship to work if you’re going into it, with a mindset that you’re either superior or inferior to your partner. That is a clear recipe for failure.

The day you agree to an intimate relationship with a person, that is the day you cross the line of class, caste, superiority or inferiority. And the day you feel you’re better than your partner, that is when regret sets in. Then the love and passion in you starts to diminish.

In the case of men who feel inferior to their partners, they are mostly verbally abusive. They talk down on their partner to make them feel like a lesser human being to them. Nothing their wives or partners does to such men that impresses them. Even when some women are totally humble and submissive they still get verbally and sometimes physically abused.

Well! before we get into any form of relationship whether marriage or otherwise, lets keep our ego in check. Work on your inferiority or superiority complex. Keep your degrees or wealth in your pocket.

Throw your pride out of the window and humble yourself. Have mutual love and respect for each other. See love as a biding force not wealth or class and that will be a good starting point.