LOST AND FOUND

A young father of two, left home for work one morning and he didn’t return home as usual after the day’s work.

His phone was switched off and all attempt to reach him was futile.

After a frantic search for a month, he was presumed dead by his family. Only his wife thought he was still alive because his body was not found.

Well the father of two, eventually resurfaced after eight months when he ran out of money.

He reached out to a close friend for financial assistant and confessed to him that he was tired of his marriage and he didn’t want any family drama. So he pulled the disappearing act to get his wife, off his back.

Angry with his friend disappearing stunt, he told everyone involved and that was how they all knew he delibrately ran away from home.

Why do that, I commented when l was told. Why put your family and friends in agony? Why not just ask for a divorce and work things out amicably or go tough to reach a divorce settlement. That is still better than running away.

Only a coward or a mean spirited fellow will do that. Without thinking of his parents, kids and friends he ran away without a trace leaving them to grieve for his death when he is alive.

As a friend, I will probably not have anything to do with such a person again. Even as a family, trust will forever be thrown out of the window.

Not matter how difficult things may be, face your challenges instead of running away. The problem we are running away from, will be there waiting for us when we come back.

It’s like drowning yourself in alcohol to forget your problem. When the effect of the drink disappears, the problem will still be staring at you in the face wearing suit and tie.

Let’s not continue to sweep our problems under the carpet, hoping it will go away. Challenges don’t have wings, they can’t fly away. Stay and resolve it or learn to live with it, if it can’t be resolved. At least you know you tried your best.

AWAKENED LOVE

I once fell in love with someone, who woke up a torrent of love and emotions in me without the intention of truly loving me.

I wasn’t really into him at the beginning. I only saw him as someone I could relate with intellectually.

Getting close to him, I found out he was funny, neat, polished and intelligent. Absolutely my kind of man. That excited me, especially with him keeping up with my playful side.

When the window of opportunity came, he pursued me relentlessly and I gave in. Falling hopelessly in love with him.

In my mind, l thought it was a match made in heaven.

He did set my soul on fire and my love for him burnt wild.

Suddenly and without any warning, he began to drift away. All through it, he didn’t share any intimacy with me. Except a few stolen kisses and he became too busy to see me. Cranky and impatient with me.

After a while, I figured it was a game to him because he had no excuse for his actions and his disappearing act.

I truly felt like a lab experiment with the way he treated me. It was as if he was testing me, to know my reactions to his overtures and when he got his answers he started misbehaving.

Instinctively, I knew he had a sinister motive. So I broke it off, instead of accomodating his endless excuses and lies.

How cruel of him, I thought. Why would anyone relentlessly chase a man or a woman, you don’t want.

Why would you tease someone for no reason and awaken their love, when you have no intention of loving them.

How do they look at themselves in the mirror? I wondered.

Well, it is history now. Though I came out of it hurt, I also learnt a lesson.

I just hope, people who awaken others love with evil intentions, will quit doing this.

It is cruel to make someone love you and neglect them.

What you don’t want to eat, don’t taste it. Don’t even smell it.

SHE COMES FIRST

I had a conversation with a middle aged man, who told me his wife is a wonderful woman and no other woman comes before her. She is first he said, yet he has strings of girlfriends.

He comes home very late everyday with little or no time to spend with his so called wonderful wife.

Hardly ever available for family outings and most of his free time is spent with girlfriends in guest houses and hotel bars.

He loves his beer and his countless women, still he claims his wife comes first.

What the hoops is he talking about, I queried. His actions apparently contradicts his words.

To me, his wife obviously comes last.

No man or woman will consider their spouse first and spend most of their time with other people, unless it is work related.

They will always be happy to spend their free time with their spouse, not lock themselves up in a hotel room with girlfriends or boyfriends.

When l asked him why he has numerous girlfriends despite having a loving wife.

He said, one woman can not satisfy a him and he will always have his flings but he will not bring another woman into his matrimonial home.

He won’t ever divorce his wife nor marry a second wife.

That in his myopic mind, makes his wife to be the first.

Everything he said to me, made me to conclude is a selfish man. Who is only concerned about himself and his needs.

He has no love or respect for any woman, not even for his wonderful wife. Whom he says, is sweet and caring.

I told him, he is a chronic flirt. He is eating his cake and having it because his wife permitted him. She probably kept a blind eye to his philandering for peace sake.

I won’t agree to spend the rest of my life with such a cheat.

A man that will rather spend his time with other women and keep me only as his first lady, has no place in my life.

It is wrong to put your partner first with words and treat them last with your actions. If he or she comes first in your life, show them in words and in your actions.

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

I remember when I use to cry myself to sleep each time my heart was broken. I went through so much stress, those few times and I’ve gone on for six months at a time crying over a heartbreak.

My life stood still for half a year. You can imagine what I could have achieved within six months instead of mopping around over a breakup.

My heartbreaks were indeed few but were intense because I genuinely loved whoever it was that broke my heart.

Whenever I got over my breakup, I felt a tonne of load lifted off my shoulders. As if nothing that difficult, had happened to me. So what was the big deal after all, I asked myself.

I got to a breaking point, when I was treated shabbily by the one I loved. I questioned the justification of agonising over someone that was nasty to me for reasons best known to him.

Tough as it maybe, that was the turning point for me.

The pain some of us put ourselves through over heartbreaks are unnecessary. We are literarily killing a small fly with a sledge hammer.

I see it as stressing too much over nothing. This pain will definitely pass, if we persevere a little without punishing or killing ourselves.

When your heart is broken and you need to cry or pine over the breakup, cry a little. Don’t over process your thought and move on quickly.

Tears may come at night but joy will surely come in the morning. Don’t do too much for too little.

MY REGRET

I hear people say they have no regret, they are living their lives the way they planned and dreamed it. The much older ones said, they have lived a fulfilling life with no regret.

People live fulfilling lives that I agree, but that doesn’t mean they have no regret.

Well I don’t believe an adult has no regret. So it’s up to those who choose to see it differently to decide if their life is flawless.

No one has a perfect life, we all make mistakes. We must have taken one or two decisions in our lives that we regretted or taken a turn that derailed our dreams, left us disappointed and full of regrets.

I have taken decisions that I regretted and I’m not ashamed to own up to it or accept the entire blame.

It’s my life and it’s my problem. So I accept every blame that comes with it but to say I have no regret, is a lie.

I’ve spent unwisely before and I’ve also invested in businesses that didn’t yield any fruit. Money issues doesn’t really bother me much because each time I failed in business, I got back up through the grace of God with hardwork.

Moreover materialism is not a big deal to me but in hindsight, I wished I did things differently.

That said, my major regret is the choices I made in my relationships with friends, my partner and family.

Most times I took the wrong decisions out of naivety. I was too trusting and overly empathetic. I took in so much, made sacrifices for people that don’t really deserve it.

Nevertheless, it is one thing to make mistakes and bravely own up to it without dwelling on the past and not beating up yourself for it.

It is another thing to blame people for your mistakes and not accept it. Living in denial.

I have chosen to admit my mistakes and not blame anyone for it. Admitting to it, doesn’t mean I’m dwelling on the past or beating up myself.

I am only evaluating how far, I’ve come with all my mistakes and how much I’ve learnt from it.

It took so long for me to get to where I am now but I got here anyway and I’m better for it.

In essence, owning up to your life mistakes doesn’t make you a failure and it doesn’t make your life any less fulfilling. It only shows you’re a conqueror. Who fell and rose again. To me, that is a badge of honour.

THE MARRIAGE ENDED BEFORE IT BEGAN

I was getting ready yesterday morning, to attend the wedding ceremony of my neighbour’s younger brother and running late for the Church service, when my neighbour came up to my apartment to announce that the wedding has been cancelled.

She told me, the bride was caught in a compromising situation with another man.

In details, the groom had visited his fiancee a day to the wedding. To collect the ring bearer’s suit, who was his nephew. The suit was earlier returned for amendment. He left the bride’s house earlier that day to enable her get her hair done.

Half way to his house, he realised he had forgotten to collect the ring bearer’s suit which was his primary reason for visiting her. Without calling, he headed back to her house.

He got there and found out she had gone to fix her hair as planned. After waiting longer than he anticipated, he went in search of her at the salon. He was told, she had long gone to see a friend called Cynthia. Thinking she was helping her client, the hairstylist innocently pointed the groom to cynthia’s house. Cynthia and the bride are both regular clients of the salon.

Knocking on Cynthia’s door, an older guy appeared and the bride was discovered half naked in the house. The bride was actually dating Cynthia’s elder brother.

After the initial shock, the groom left without saying a word, switched off his phone and didn’t contact anyone until the next day. Nobody knew he wasn’t going to attend his wedding until the D day.

The church was packed full the next morning with the officiating priest, family and some invited guest. Who were waiting for the groom to show up. It was after he called to cancelled the ceremony, that the bride realised the groom was not going to save face. She knew what she did was wrong and didn’t tell anyone what happened the night before. She was also too afraid to go after the groom that night. So she braved it, came to the Church, pretended all was well until the groom called.

My neighbour was very angry with her brother. He should have showed up for the wedding and saved face, she said. The bride was probably having a last fling and her brother could have easily look the other way and forgiven her instead of making a mountain out of a molehill. They would have all been saved the embarrassment.

If it was the other way round, the bride would have surely forgiven him and attended the wedding anyway. Many women would have gone ahead with the wedding, she said. Yes other people may have gone ahead with the wedding but her brother couldn’t, I said.

I told my neighbour, that wasn’t a molehill. She shouldn’t condone what the bride did and not take sides with her. Heaping the entire blame on her brother wasn’t reasonable either. It must have taken a lot for him to have walked away instead of attending his wedding and avoiding the embarrassment. Moreover what the bride did, was too painful for him to bear.

How do you think such a marriage would have eventually played out? Starting out with so much distrust and pain. To me, he took the best decision by walking away.

What would you have done? Attend the wedding and save face or simply walk away.