IMPOTENCY

Things happens in life that we have no control over and it sometimes redirects our lives or leaves us in agony. How do we rise above such devastating pain? I have had reasons to recently counsel someone on this topic and I thought we should all learn from it.

A man in his middle age had a terrible accident that left him impotent and his wife was shattered due to the fact that, they could no longer have physical sex. She told me in confidence and permitted me to share her story with my dear readers. She said, she won’t be able to stay with a man that could no longer make love to her. She was either going to cheat or walk away completely.

Painful as it is, this is where wisdom and maturity comes in. First! Would any woman want to stay with a man that cannot jiggle her honeypot? No woman will answer in the affirmative. No woman wants to stay with a man who has no functional manhood but there is a way around this issue that can still keep two loving people together.

The choices we make in life mostly determines our happiness and I wouldn’t advice anyone to do what is contrary to his or her happiness. Nevertheless, there is what we call conscience and empathy which many don’t have.

A man who has been married to a woman for so long with children, suddenly becomes impotent and her first thought was to either jump ship or cheat on him. Her decision to abandon her marriage for what is not her husband’s fault, left me quite unsettled.

I do not totally blame her for wanting to leave him but looking at it from my own view, l won’t leave a good man who treats me well because he suddenly becomes impotent. This is what life dumped on his lap and he has no choice.

Marriage is for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. This is where our wedding vows comes to play. By the way, how many of us takes our wedding vows seriously? Many don’t and we are all guilty of this fact.

An impotent man can still find a means of sexually pleasing his spouse. With the encouragement of a loving partner, he can use his hands to please her and he can also use a vibrator as well. That may not be a total sexual fulfillment for a woman but it is better than nothing or abandoning your marriage for lack of sex or cheating with other men. If you still want children, try artificial insemination.

I’ve heard of a few impotent men deceiving women into marrying them without letting them know of their predicament until after marriage. That is pure deceit, which is clearly different from a man who suddenly becomes impotent during the course of an on going marriage.

Let us put ourselves in our partner’s shoes, would you want to be abandoned when faced with challenges? I’m sure our answer will be no. When life comes with challenges we have no power to change, we have to learn to live with it. Find palliative solutions that can carry us through life and stay strong.

We don’t need to walk away from a man who genuinely loves and cares about us because he is suddenly impotent. Meet him in the middle and work something out for each other’s happiness. Keep your faith up and never give up on him because as the scripture says, dead bones shall rise again.

WHEN LOVE TURNS BRUTAL

Have you ever imagine how it feels to beat up someone you claim to love or disfigure them. In worse cases kill them, all because they stopped loving you or rejected your love advances.

I’ve heard and witnessed many stories where people violently turn against their partner and l wonder how love can result to that. What triggers crime of passion? What makes you want to kill the person you love and once shared your body with? Could it be insanity or rage?

I believe most passion crime are fueled by rage. Uncontrollable anger which manifest itself in the perpetrator. We should all know that, it’s not everyone we love that will love us back and we don’t have to go psycho on someone for rejecting our love advances.

In the picture below, a man poured acid on this beautiful lady’s face and disfigured her for life because she refused to accept his love advances. This is her, before and after the acid attack.

It is real and so sad. Never to be encouraged by anyone. Such violence happens all over the world and it is not peculiar to women alone. It does happen to men as well, only in fewer cases.

Tough as it maybe we have to learn to control our emotions and anger and not regret our actions thereafter. Don’t react in a feat of anger or in a jealous rage. You can’t claim to truly love a person and destroy them. Love is gentle and kind not violent.

If your partner rejects or divorce you and you’re bitter about it, please don’t go seeking revenge. Learn a lesson from it and let it go.

If you make love advances towards a person and he or she says no, please don’t go into rage destroying the person in the process. Don’t have the attitude of, if l can’t have her no one else will. You may also ruin your own life in the process and end up in jail.

Have this at the back of your mind, if someone rejects you, someone better will accept you. No matter how much you love a person, it will eventually pass if you can sit it out and fight that feeling. I know it is not a walk in the park to get over someone we truly love but we can, if we try.

People come and go and not all are meant to stay in our lives. Don’t force your love on anyone or turn violent against them if they don’t want you. There is someone for everyone. Stay focused and keep the fire of love burning. The person destined for you, will eventually find you.

SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY

Do you know who you are sleeping with? Not many of us know the truth about who we get under the cover with but we assume all is well without asking questions as long as love flows.

Are you sleeping with your enemy or your lover?

Some people are aware they have deadly or chronic sexually transmitted disease yet they sleep with their partners without protection, not telling them about their true status. Not caring if he or she gets infected with the disease.

Will you call such a person a lover or an enemy? Somebody who does that is surely an enemy with no love in his or her heart.

What will you say, about a partner that will not hesitate to humiliate you in public, turn you into a punching bag, steal from you but make sweet love to you in the bedroom? Is he/she an enemy or a lover? Hell, he is an enemy.

A partner willing to cheat on you with your friends, relatives or anyone that catches her fancy without blinking, is not a lover but an enemy.

My aim is to differentiate between a genuine lover and a pretender.

It shouldn’t be business as usual, when you get involved. Ask questions, know your partners sexual activities or insist on using a condom, if he or she is not forthcoming with the true situation.

We can not always be too careful but it won’t hurt to be sure of who we are sleeping with. Let’s make an effort in knowing who we want to get into bed with so we won’t regret it when it is either too painful or too late.

So do you know who you’re sleeping with?

IN SICKNESS!

The regular vows at most weddings l have attended are usually “In sickness and in health, till death do us part”. That is for married couples. What about partners who are not married, what is their stand on the issue of ill health in relationships.

When you’re dating a healthy partner and he or she has been good, loyal and kind to you. What would you do, when the person suddenly falls terribly ill. Will you walk away or stand by him or her?

Will you nurse your partner back to good health and stick around even if it leads to death? I am not talking of minor ailments like common colds, cramps or headaches. This is about major illness that l don’t want to gratify by mentioning their names.

It can be very traumatic to manage sickness and also financially difficult but when the going was good, you enjoyed each others company. So it’s proper to stick around when the going gets tough.

Some people feel they have no strong bond between them and their partner because they are not legally married and no vows were taken in the sight of God. For that, they feel excused from such commitment.

I disagree completely, this is a moral issue. If you claim to love a person, show it when they are also in trouble. Nobody is a saint but there are issues that has to do with conscience.

It is just not logical to abandon a good partner in his or her hour of needs. It belittles the word called love. You can’t claim you love someone and you walk out on her when she needs you most. If you walk away then, suffice to say love is not enough and it doesn’t conquer all.

A loving partner who plays his part well in a relationship, needs all the love he can get when he is down. It is not only when a relationship is rosy that we should stick around. Help your partner when they are down whether married or dating. It is the moral and loving thing to do.