TO DIVORCE OR NOT

I was asked an incredible question this past week and it made me feel uncomfortable. A woman asked me, if she should divorce her husband or not. She said, it is hard for her to reach a decision on her own. So l should help her out.

In the first place, nobody asked her to get married. She should also not expect anyone to tell her to get a divorce.

It’s obvious she is confused and torn between ending her marriage or staying put but she can’t just walk up to me because we her friends and expect me to help her end her marriage.

I know she is looking for someone to point her in the right direction but she seems to be going about it the wrong way.

Anyway l won’t be the one to encourage her to divorce her spouse. l honestly don’t know what problem she has with her partner and she won’t give details. She only said, she is tired of him.

It’s sometimes difficult to walk out of a marriage. It takes guts to simply walk away and not look back.

Nevertheless, this is a decision nobody can take for you because only you know where the shoe pinches. Aside that, it’s your life and your problem.

So don’t put such a heavy burden on your family and friends shoulders by asking them to decide whether you should stay or end your marriage over your marital issues.

You will hate them forever if they advised you to divorce your spouse and you did but regretted it later.

I won’t advice anyone to suggest divorce for a marriage you’re not personally involved.

It is risky advising anyone to leave their spouse even though they asked for your advice as a family or as a friend. Be diplomatic with your response or point them to the direction of a skilled therapist.

Don’t be the fall guy and don’t allow empathy to overwhelm you. It’s not in anyone’s place to breakup a marriage. Truly “what God has joined together let no man put asunder”

LOST AND FOUND

A young father of two, left home for work one morning and he didn’t return home as usual after the day’s work.

His phone was switched off and all attempt to reach him was futile.

After a frantic search for a month, he was presumed dead by his family. Only his wife thought he was still alive because his body was not found.

Well the father of two, eventually resurfaced after eight months when he ran out of money.

He reached out to a close friend for financial assistant and confessed to him that he was tired of his marriage and he didn’t want any family drama. So he pulled the disappearing act to get his wife, off his back.

Angry with his friend disappearing stunt, he told everyone involved and that was how they all knew he delibrately ran away from home.

Why do that, I commented when l was told. Why put your family and friends in agony? Why not just ask for a divorce and work things out amicably or go tough to reach a divorce settlement. That is still better than running away.

Only a coward or a mean spirited fellow will do that. Without thinking of his parents, kids and friends he ran away without a trace leaving them to grieve for his death when he is alive.

As a friend, I will probably not have anything to do with such a person again. Even as a family, trust will forever be thrown out of the window.

Not matter how difficult things may be, face your challenges instead of running away. The problem we are running away from, will be there waiting for us when we come back.

It’s like drowning yourself in alcohol to forget your problem. When the effect of the drink disappears, the problem will still be staring at you in the face wearing suit and tie.

Let’s not continue to sweep our problems under the carpet, hoping it will go away. Challenges don’t have wings, they can’t fly away. Stay and resolve it or learn to live with it, if it can’t be resolved. At least you know you tried your best.

PREPARING FOR A DIVORCE BEFORE SAYING I DO

There are many people planning to get married but wondering if they are making a mistake. Some are already preparing their mind for a divorce should it not work out as anticipated.

Having such thought before saying I do, should be worrisome and it should be a sign that, all is not well with your relationship. Why did you agree to marry each other, if you have doubts that the marriage may not work? You’re already setting your mind towards a divorce even before you are joined in matrimony.

Marriage is not a trial by error and there shouldn’t be a moment of doubt before saying I do. Once there is an iota of doubt that you can not wish away, it is best to stop it before solemnising it.

I always tell people it is not about the wedding ceremony or the beautiful cake. It’s about the future and the happiness of you and your partner. Your partner may not meet all your expectations after marriage but why not go into the marriage with optimism if you have chosen to be with this person and not start being pessimistic.

Prepare your mind for the ups and downs that comes with marriage and be determined to make it work instead of preparing to jump ship once the boat rocks.

Once there is a glitch in your relationship that makes you foresee a future breakup, please do not tie the knot with such negative thought and fear in your mind. That will always ring a bell in your head and it can influence your decision to end your marriage quickly.

Remember no marriage is perfect but you can enjoy your marriage and not endure it, if you work at it.

In summary, if you’re getting married, do so without fear, bias or doubts. Otherwise remain single until it feels right to get married.