The holidays and festivities are over and I am sure most people are adjusting to the demands of life. I am already back at work and trying to keep to my new year resolutions. Tough I must say, but I am determined to keep to this year’s resolutions unlike the previous years, that I couldn’t keep any. One thing has made me a little apprehensive and I’ve been wanting to talk about it but the holiday celebrations overtook it. It’s the issue of putting sex first in our relationships.

I agree that sex is very important in any intimate relationship, infact sex helps to spice up a relationship but I get confused when sex is put first and above every other thing a partner can offer to one another.

I feel very uncomfortable when a man approaches me for the first time and the next thing that comes out of his mouth after telling me his name, is sex. “Oh you look sexy, you’ve got a hot body or I don’t mind drilling you” as if I am a piece of meat that should be chewed raw. Some women consider such statement as a compliment, I don’t.

Call me old school if you wish, but I don’t think our sexual abilities should be the first thing to fluant in the presences of a potential partner. Sex shouldn’t be our initial selling point. Our character and personality should be what we bring to the table first, unless it is all a joke.

Putting sex first makes it sound as if your mission is purely physical. Even if that is our utmost interest, we should at least be civil with it. Don’t go around describing how good you are in bed or boasting about your sexual prowess to someone you’ve just met. It’s a turn off for people like me because I like to have an intellectual conversation with a potential partner. Get to know them for who they are, not how fantastic they are in bed.

I like a guy that shows interest in my wellbeing not just straight to sex.

The world is already over sexed but we shouldn’t because of that, throw sex in the face of a potential lover to win his or her heart. You have to show some respect to the person you have interest in dating. Not make it sound as if you’re negotiating with a sex worker. It is one thing to joke about it and it’s another thing to be serious with it.

There are people, who also dump their lover for not succumbing easily to their sexual demands after a few period of dating. Others, intimidate and mount pressure on their partner for sex until they agree . Some are cheeky enough to give their partner an ultimatum to either succumb or leave after few months of getting to know each other.

Some people just don’t have the patience to wait or to nurture a relationship. They want sex and they want it now. They are ready to walk away if their demands are not met, even when their partner is a good person. They don’t care about the inner beauty or what the partner is bringing to the table. They believe sex is the only way to take charge of their relationship, especially men.

I once stood by a very sick boyfriend who suffered a sudden massive stroke and he was diabetic. He lost the use of his left hand and leg due to the stroke. We had just began dating before he had the stroke and nothing sexual had occured between us. During his admission at the hospital, I had to sleep in the car outside the hospital premises, night after night because no one was allowed to sleep with him in his room or hang around the ward after visiting hours.

I slept in the car because I needed to be around the hospital should he need me to get something for him and above all, to show I care about him. He got a little better and was discharged for home treatment and physiotherapy.

I continued to look after him at his home, but he kept demanding for sex each time I visited him and I refused. I felt he wanted to prove to me or to himself that he was still a man. I persuaded him to get well first because any stimulation or excitement can lead to another massive stroke and I wasn’t going to be responsible for that. I was so scared of stimulating him in anyway but he didn’t listen, despite my explanation.

He ended the relationship with me without looking back at what I went through with him when he was at the jaws of death. To him, it was either I gave him sex or he wouldn’t continue with what I thought we had going on.

I had to leave him alone as he asked, since he wasn’t ready to wait till he was fit and I was neither ready to take any risk with his life. His health was what mattered more to me, not a few moments of pleasure. I figured It was all about sex or proving his manhood to me than anything else. He put sex first above his health, our relationship and the future we could have had. I had so much empathy for him but he didn’t see that. He literally threw me under the bus without caring about my efforts and feelings.

If you’re serious about the person you intend to be with, please don’t put sex first unless it is a mutual feeling to want sex right away. Otherwise nurture your relationship, be patient with your partner, let him or her trust you enough to want sex with you.

When you have secured the love and trust of your partner, other things will follow. It is too soon to start expecting or pressuring your partner for sex after a few dates. Some people like to take it slow, that doesn’t mean, they won’t eventually get there and some like it hot! hot! hot! No matter what, study your partner, be patient and be civil. Don’t make it all about sex.

For married couples, if your partner is genuinely tired or sick and unable to give you sex, please cut them some slacks. As long as they are not pretending, bear them no grudge and don’t step out behind their back for a quickie. Sex is important, yes I known but we should be considerate about it. Talk and laugh with your partner. Dance with your partner, get to know and understand them also. Don’t see them as only a sex object.