I once fell in love with someone, who woke up a torrent of love and emotions in me without the intention of truly loving me.

I wasn’t really into him at the beginning. I only saw him as someone I could relate with intellectually.

Getting close to him, I found out he was funny, neat, polished and intelligent. Absolutely my kind of man. That excited me, especially with him keeping up with my playful side.

When the window of opportunity came, he pursued me relentlessly and I gave in. Falling hopelessly in love with him.

In my mind, l thought it was a match made in heaven.

He did set my soul on fire and my love for him burnt wild.

Suddenly and without any warning, he began to drift away. All through it, he didn’t share any intimacy with me. Except a few stolen kisses and he became too busy to see me. Cranky and impatient with me.

After a while, I figured it was a game to him because he had no excuse for his actions and his disappearing act.

I truly felt like a lab experiment with the way he treated me. It was as if he was testing me, to know my reactions to his overtures and when he got his answers he started misbehaving.

Instinctively, I knew he had a sinister motive. So I broke it off, instead of accomodating his endless excuses and lies.

How cruel of him, I thought. Why would anyone relentlessly chase a man or a woman, you don’t want.

Why would you tease someone for no reason and awaken their love, when you have no intention of loving them.

How do they look at themselves in the mirror? I wondered.

Well, it is history now. Though I came out of it hurt, I also learnt a lesson.

I just hope, people who awaken others love with evil intentions, will quit doing this.

It is cruel to make someone love you and neglect them.

What you don’t want to eat, don’t taste it. Don’t even smell it.


I was astonished when a friend told me she is going to her grave with a secret she has kept deep in her heart for fifteen years. She had told no one about it but she had to open up to me because she needed my advice.

Why ask me for an advice when she has already made up her mind to die with her secret. I believe her reason for telling me this secret is not to seek for my counsel. I think she felt the need to unburden her overloaded mind.

She was four months pregnant, before she realised it. There were no signs nor symptoms. As she said, everything was normal with her in the early months of her pregnancy and that made it difficult for her to know she was with a child.

She only knew something was amiss, when her stomach started protruding and that made her to visit the hospital where the news was broken to her.

Sadly her partner was no longer in the picture. They broke up three months earlier and she learnt, he has since travelled abroad when she went looking for him to break the shocking news of her pregnancy to him.

Determined not to terminate the pregnancy, she went on with it to term and had a beautiful baby girl who will be fifteen years old in november.

Somewhere along the way, she met someone new and they got married.

To this day, her daughter thinks her stepfather is her real father. Only my friend knows who her biological father is.

Her ex partner who is the real father of her daughter is now back in her life.

They met again through Facebook and he wants to be fully involved with my friend but she has continued to avoid him because she does not want him to meet his daughter. In her words, “I don’t want to rock the boat”.

I know it’s a tricky situation to open up to the two other people involved in this life drama, especially her daughter because she will feel betrayed and deceived by her mother for making her think someone else was her biological father.

In such a situation, I will take my chances and tell both of them. Get the whole damn secret out of my mind and be at peace within me.

I don’t see any reason to hide such secrets. It is too much a burden for someone like me to carry. Moreover I won’t deny my child the right to know her father.

She will be doing herself a favour if she tells those involved and live with whatever happens afterwards, instead of going to her grave with it.

I bet, she will sleep better at night if the secret is out.

Would you advice she tells them both or continue to live a life of deceit?


Why do some people think love at first sight is always a mere infatuation or lust?

For some people, it may be based on infatuation but it can also be real and genuine for others. I don’t think we should assume that, everyone that falls instantly in love with us is telling a lie or only infatuated.

I believe you can meet someone for the first time and fall in love with him or her for real. Love is a natural feeling and it is not something we can control.

Those who think love at first sight is always based on infatuation and lust, believe you have to know someone very well or get close to them before you can truly love them. They also believe any instant claim of love is outrageous, shallow and deceitful.

My point is this, love and affection can develop without warning. You can suddenly be drawn to a person and instantly fall in love with this person. It is very possible and I’ve seen it happen.

There is no mathematics or geography in love. One plus one may not necessarily be two when it comes to love, depending on the angle you’re looking at it.

From my own angle, love deals with feelings and emotions. You can not predict your feelings or how you will react, unless you encounter a situation.

Moreover we don’t get to chose who we love. It is determined by nature and the circumstances we find ourselves.

While playing it safe and weary of instant love, just sift out the truth from the lies and give the person that claims to love you a chance.

As in every other thing in life, there are no guarantees even in deep rooted relationships but I believe in love at first sight.


This past week was mostly uneventful, untill a young undergraduate complained to me that her boyfriend steals her money and each time he confronts him about this fact, the only thing he says is “I love you’

She said, she becomes soft on him after hearing those words and they just kiss and make up. What has stealing got to do with I love you, I wondered. Anyway I told her, anyone can say I love you and not mean a word of it. Apparently her boyfriend is using those sweet words as a defensive tool and taking advantage of her affection for him.

He knows once he says those words to her, it’s game over.

I told her to sit him down, tell him to either change or cut him loose otherwise he will continue to steal from her and get away with it. She is too young to enslave herself in such an unhealthy and a manipulative relationship. It is only going to get worse.

“I love you’ has become an over used cliche that is constantly used by people whether they mean it or not. A partner that steals your money and dismisses it as a non issue, is clearly not truly in love with you.

If truly he is honest with you, why can’t he ask instead of stealing. Even if you end up not giving him or her, it is still better to ask than steal it from someone you claim to love.

I love you, has to be matched with actions not just words. I will rather you show me you love me than tell me. That is why I am economical with these three words. I don’t say it unless I mean it.

When you ask me how I feel about you, I can say I like you or just smile instead of lying to you. Especially if I’m not sure of my feelings for you.

Someone can tell you I love you now and throw you in front of a moving bus the next minute. They can say it today just to get you into bed and dump you the next day. You will be left, wondering what suddenly changed. People can say anything to get their way.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying people don’t say “I love you’ on face value and truly mean it. It’s up to you to decipher the truth from a lie. He or she has to confirm their affection more with the way they relate with you than mere rhetorics. Your partner can’t steal from you and say I love you, then you believe him or her hook line and sinker.

You have to seek more than these three words to be sure of your partner true feelings for you. Don’t go to sleep feeling totally convinced, because your partner or a potiential partner says he or she loves you. The word means nothing to some people and it is so easy for them to blurt it out just to score a point. Their body language and actions must match their words otherwise take it with a pinch of salt.

To those that find it easy to deceive their partners by saying I love you and not mean it, I’m sure you know it is absolutely unfair. I am not trying to beat up anyone but I think saying I love you, should be said only when we truly mean it. Remember! what goes around, comes around.