MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

I remember when I use to cry myself to sleep each time my heart was broken. I went through so much stress, those few times and I’ve gone on for six months at a time crying over a heartbreak.

My life stood still for half a year. You can imagine what I could have achieved within six months instead of mopping around over a breakup.

My heartbreaks were indeed few but were intense because I genuinely loved whoever it was that broke my heart.

Whenever I got over my breakup, I felt a tonne of load lifted off my shoulders. As if nothing that difficult, had happened to me. So what was the big deal after all, I asked myself.

I got to a breaking point, when I was treated shabbily by the one I loved. I questioned the justification of agonising over someone that was nasty to me for reasons best known to him.

Tough as it maybe, that was the turning point for me.

The pain some of us put ourselves through over heartbreaks are unnecessary. We are literarily killing a small fly with a sledge hammer.

I see it as stressing too much over nothing. This pain will definitely pass, if we persevere a little without punishing or killing ourselves.

When your heart is broken and you need to cry or pine over the breakup, cry a little. Don’t over process your thought and move on quickly.

Tears may come at night but joy will surely come in the morning. Don’t do too much for too little.

PREPARING FOR A DIVORCE BEFORE SAYING I DO

There are many people planning to get married but wondering if they are making a mistake. Some are already preparing their mind for a divorce should it not work out as anticipated.

Having such thought before saying I do, should be worrisome and it should be a sign that, all is not well with your relationship. Why did you agree to marry each other, if you have doubts that the marriage may not work? You’re already setting your mind towards a divorce even before you are joined in matrimony.

Marriage is not a trial by error and there shouldn’t be a moment of doubt before saying I do. Once there is an iota of doubt that you can not wish away, it is best to stop it before solemnising it.

I always tell people it is not about the wedding ceremony or the beautiful cake. It’s about the future and the happiness of you and your partner. Your partner may not meet all your expectations after marriage but why not go into the marriage with optimism if you have chosen to be with this person and not start being pessimistic.

Prepare your mind for the ups and downs that comes with marriage and be determined to make it work instead of preparing to jump ship once the boat rocks.

Once there is a glitch in your relationship that makes you foresee a future breakup, please do not tie the knot with such negative thought and fear in your mind. That will always ring a bell in your head and it can influence your decision to end your marriage quickly.

Remember no marriage is perfect but you can enjoy your marriage and not endure it, if you work at it.

In summary, if you’re getting married, do so without fear, bias or doubts. Otherwise remain single until it feels right to get married.

WOULD YOU TELL?

Would you tell your friend or a relative if you catch their partner cheating on them?

I wouldn’t, because it’s not in my place to do so.

Each time l find my friend’s partner cheating on them, I look the other way.

You may want to blame me for looking the other way.

Well l do not want to breakup anyone’s relationship. I will rather keep my mouth shut and let them find out by themselves than be a messenger of doom.

It is best they find out by themselves and handle it the way they see fit. I don’t like to be an informant of doom or a blabber mouth.

Some couple can take infidelity better, if they find out by themselves than being told by others.

The humiliation of being informed of their partner’s infidelity by other people can increase their pain and make them react irrationally.

It is better you caution the cheating partner or stay out of it all together, instead of snitching.

No matter how close you are to a person or how much you care about them, when you find out their partner is cheating on them, please don’t put yourself in the middle and don’t meddle.

Even when your blood boils maintain your cool or else, you may end up being seen as a common enemy who doesn’t wish them well.

Some might even see you as a gossip. No matter your good intentions, I feel it’s best to stay out of it.

FINDING LOVE

Does it matter where we find love? At work, on the street, at a house party, online, a night club or at religious places.

A friend has argued that the place we find love matters a lot but I disagreed with him.

In his argument, he said if you meet a woman at a brothel, she is never going to be faithful and if you meet your partner while drinking, he may probably end up an alcoholic.

He believes there are certain places you find love, that can pre-determine the outcome of your relationship.

I do not agree with his theory of, “show me your location and I will tell you what the outcome will be”

I don’t think the first point of contact has anything to do with the success of a relationship.

The people we meet at college campuses, hospitals, religious places or at a friend’s house can equally end up as horrible partners. It’s not about where we find love, it is the personality involved.

Some people believe if you meet your partner at a religious place, you stand a better chance.

That is not entirely true because I’ve seen a couple who ended up divorcing, even though they were introduced by their pastor.

A good person is a good person, whether religious or not. It is what is in the heart that matters and the ability to do the right thing not where you found yourselves.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not saying religious places are not a good place to find true love but it is not 100% full proof. It is as good as been introduced to your partner by a common friend.

If I meet a man while he is gambling, I am not going to conclude he is a chronic gambler.

I will give him the benefit of the doubt, get to know him before taking any decision. Where we find love, doesn’t matter and it may not necessarily determine the outcome of our relationship.

It is up to you, to study the person you’re getting involved with. Where you met, should not be a yardstick in judging the outcome of your relationship.

Choose wisely and be happy.

MARRYING FOR THE WRONG REASONS

Are you getting married because everyone is getting married? Do you want to marry your partner because he or she is so sexy and good in bed?

Are you one of the people that got married because your partner is rich and comfortable or she is a known figure in the society?

Was your marriage consummated out of pity or sympathy?

Well it’s a known fact that many of us wants to be married, but we should neither rush into it nor get married for the wrong reasons.

It should never be a decision taken on the spur of the moment. Marrying for the wrong reasons can later make us unhappy in life and such marriage can leave us heartbroken.

Granted, sex is a vital part of most intimate relationship but that shouldn’t be the only reason to marry anyone.

At a point, you may grow weary of making love to your partner. What keeps such marriage going in those troubling moments, is the understanding between the two of you.

What about people that rush into marriage because all their friends and colleagues are getting married and they don’t want to be left behind.

In order to belong, they marry any available partner without careful thoughts. Some also jump into marriages because they feel age is no longer on their side.

When you marry because of money or status, what happens when the money finishes and your partner is no longer relevant in the society?

I’ve seen some people marry out of sympathy because they feel indebted to their partner for what he or she did for them, while dating.

They feel the only way to show their appreciation to a partner who have been kind to them is by marrying him in return even when they are not compatible.

Please don’t marry out of sympathy or pity. I will rather walk away than accept a favour that will keep me in bondage.

In choosing a partner, we have to look past how many rounds of sex our partner is capable of or their huge bank account. Money is important, but it shouldn’t be the sole reason to marry anyone.

As marriage grows, needs changes. It won’t be only about sex or money anymore when the children and life challenges starts rolling in. The bottom line is, your partner’s character and compatibility. Not how sexy or rich they are.

We spend the most part of our lives as a couple and it shouldn’t be a thing to joke with. Please don’t rush into marriage when you’re not ready because everyone around you is settling down.

It is tough enough to marry for the right reasons so don’t marry for the wrong reasons because it will eventually backfire and it may leave you shattered.

ENDING AN UNWANTED RELATIONSHIP

I’ve always wondered how best to end an unwanted relationship. So how did you end yours? Was it one on one, through text messages or via the social media? Was it through a common friend or the silent treatment?

It is not every unwanted relationship that can end amicably. Where the people involved will mutually agree to go their separate ways without rancour. The truth is, not too many people can handle a breakup. Most are devastated and wish to seek revenge. While few will walk away unscathed, especially when they’ve seen it coming.

Whichever way you choose to end your unwanted relationship, it’s up to you but l think it is best to analyse the personality we are involved with before taking that bold step. If you are involved with someone who is temperamental, irrational, vindictive and violent. I suggest you use the silent treatment.

Where you will be quiet, cold and less receptive. The person will get tired of your attitude and walk away by him/herself. Thereby saving you an unpleasant experience, otherwise you maybe lynched like the one in the picture below or worse.

If you wish to be less dramatic, then your partner must be a reasonable person. Who can reason with you and not become a nuisance. Both of you can talk one on one and resolve to go your separate ways.

Breaking up with people that are good to us require patience because we will not want to intentionally hurt their feelings. We have to let them down gently and that is what l call a soft landing. You can remain friends with them and gently ease them off. Ironically such relationship can be rekindled in future and no damage would have been done because of the soft landing.

It is rather crude to end a relationship via the social media or through a text message. Phone calls are not any better but still manageable. You could at least give him or her the last respect by calling to tell them or explain why you choose to end it.

I’ve noticed many people prefer to use the silent treatment but it doesn’t work for all relationships. Analyse your partner, be considerate with their feelings before you walk away.

Do what is right, not what is easy. You maybe the one someone will dump next, so treat others nicely because what goes around will surely come around.