NOT A VICTIM

Each time my heart is broken or someone let me down, l cry like a baby and feel like a victim of a monumental injustice.

One minute l was celebrating victory over my excessive emotions and sentiments. The next, l was crying like a baby.

I was deeply hurt yesterday, by those l call friends and those l love. 

l cried myself to sleep last night but woke up this morning, asking myself when will l take a firm grip of my emotions. When will also stop completely trusting people and stop adding sentiments to all issues”

l always consider myself a strong woman, in the face of adversity but when the chips are down, l drop like a jelly and cry my eyes out.

lt’s human to feel pain when you’re hurt but to wallow in self pity, is detrimental to one’s health.

So how long will l allow my so call oppressors to win? How long will l continue to cry and see myself as a victim each time the ball drops on my lap.

Enough! l told myself this morning but l’ve heard me say that too many times. I’m only praying now and working through the ropes to really stand firmly on “enough” and push forward.

l’ve refused to tag myself a victim and not give anyone the satisfaction of making me cry again. I am not a victim but a victor.

A FRESH START

It’s the first day of the year and I feel so lucky to be alive. To witness a new year and a new beginning.

In retrospect, 2016 wasn’t bad for me and it was neither fantastic. I went through some pain especially emotionally but in every situation, I am always thankful for the gift of life.

Every year I gain new experiences and I learnt alot this past year. It was really an eye opener for me. In all my years on earth, I was blinded by love for family, friends and humanity. It took a big betrayal for me to understand a little more about life and people. I was all along naive and overly emotional. Trusted people so much and only saw the good side of them.

Don’t blame me for seeing only the good side of people and closing my eyes to their bad side. I am equally not perfect and I was raised to love my neighbour as myself. To be honest and kind because you attract good karma if you’re genuinely kind and caring. My mother always tell me that, “What goes around comes around” Good for good, evil for evil. I’ve tried to live by this principle to be kind and just. It does work for me most times but I’ve now realised the world does not work that way.

People are generally selfish, we live in the world of “I” not “WE”. Some people thrive at the expense of others not caring whose horse is gored. Loyalty has long been thrown in the waste bin of history.

I have always been about ” WE” I still am, but now with caution. This is the lesson I took from 2016. “Caution” Caution in everything I do.

I always try to help everyone that cross my part and be everyone’s mother, sometimes going out of my way but life just don’t seems to work that way.

If you’re too kind and affectionate, people will even think you have an ulterior motive. I honestly don’t give favours to get anything in return but I expect loyalty from people close to me. All the same, I’ve realised I can’t solve everyone’s problem and people will always be people.

Once beaten twice shy they say but I’ve been fifty times beaten but never shy until now. Well l am once beaten now, several times shy. When you have been bashed in and hurt so much by people, caution will be your watchword.

Without bitterness or regret, I’ve left the past behind me. It has gone with 2016 and I am moving on to better things with caution. Taking things with a pinch of salt and insulating myself with patience. I took patience in 2015 and I am adding it to the caution I took from 2016. I’m sure it will be a good combination to guide me through 2017.

This is a new year and we all have an opportunity to start afresh. Let us put the past behind us, have a new beginning with hope of getting it right and staying happy. It is never too late for a fresh start.

I wish you all a Happy New Year.🎆