MY BIRTHDAY! MY DAY!

Today is my birthday and I’m thankful for the gift of life. God has granted me the grace to reach this age and that’s wonderful. I’m here, still living and waxing strong. Enjoying my life and generally at peace within me.

I am really big on birthdays but I don’t celebrate it anymore with parties like I use to do in the past. I’ve made it a reflective period for me since the last five years.

I take stock of what I’ve done in 365 days. Make changes where necessary and move on to my next birthday but today seems different, I feel like partying and generally having fun.

I have mentioned it severally on my blog that I am overly emotional and I allowed sentiments to run my life which makes me appear very naive. One thing, I have achieved between my last birthday and today, is taking charge of my emotions.

I was an emotional wreck before now. I loved blindly, put others always before me. Yet they take me for granted and throw my love back at my face. Except for few who truly appreciate my love and support.

Always bending backwards to please people, especially my partner. Loving hopelessly and helplessly.

Well things are different now, although I am a work in progress. Still emotional but refined and more in control than I have ever been in the past and it has given me so much relieve and made my life less stressful.

This is enough reason for me to celebrate, put on my shoes and dance a liberating dance to mark my birthday.

Please join me in celebrating a well deserved birthday and a more fulfilling life ahead.

A WIFE AND A MISTRESS

Many women wants to get married and settle down to a blissful union but some ladies prefer to be a mistress to a married man than a wife to a single man.

This may sound odd to you but it does happen. These women are happy and contented in just been a mistress.

They even enjoy more than a wife as some of them claim. Their needs are promptly met and they are free to do whatever they like without been stucked up with a husband that will be dictating to them or nagging them.

Sneaking around with a married man, makes the relationship intriguing and less boring, they said.

Some have sworn to remain a mistress for the rest of their lives. They are also free to have children for these married men if they desire, so they see no need to be an official wife.

They believe marriage is just a piece of paper and MRS is just a mere title.

That said! Everyone is entitled to his or her choices but I don’t think I can handle being a mistress or as others call it, a concubine. I am not good at sharing and what I don’t want others to do to me, I won’t do to them.

I don’t believe love can seriously flourish in such a relationship and I want more than just been a bedmate.

To puncture my opinion, one of the mistresses told me that many women are not happy in their marriages and some men treats their mistresses better than their wives, so I should change my opinion and keep an open mind. Hmmm! I said.

Times are really changing and people are open to different ways of lives from the usual norm.

All the same, it is still nay for me. I will rather be single than be a mistress. I don’t like to be called a concubine or a mistress. I guess that sums it all up.

LOVE AND MONEY

Love and money was a topic I discussed all through the beginning of last week. I listened to various perspective on this topic and I was able to reason out some facts.

Many I spoke with, feels that love can not function without the support of money. They compliment each other, like tea and sugar.

Some said they will not date a partner who has no job. No matter how much they love him and that does not make them a gold digger.

They only want a financially stabIe man, that will not ask them for money and will be seen as responsible. This was said by women.

Another school of thought believes that, money is needed to move a relationship forward. You cannot get married with an empty pocket and live on love.

There are bills to be paid and love can not pay those bills. Some women also believe that, love will eventually fade away if they continue to be in a marriage with a man that can not provide for them.

From what I gathered, money plays a pivotal role in solidifying a relationship built on love and every other foundation.

In my own opinion, money is necessary in a relationship but love is the bonding factor that brings two people together.

For some people, a relationship cannot be established without love and that is also my believe.

These type of people will probably not think of money at the beginning of a relationship and money will also not be a primary attraction.

Moreover, anyone that sees money as a primary reason for getting into a relationship, should not forget that people can lose their jobs and businesses.

What would you do, when that happens? Abandon your partner because he or she is broke or work with him or her to rise up again.

Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion. To me love, is above money and it makes a relationship more interesting. Money is also a necessity but it shouldn’t be a primary focus in a relationship.

INSECURED

My friend has complained bitterly to me that his wife’s jealousy is driving him insane and he can no longer bear it.

He said, she monitors his every move. Looks through his phone and wants to know who he is texting or calling at every given time unless she is not present.

She just assumes he is having an affair while he is not. I asked if he gave her a reason to feel this way. His response was negative.

They have been married for over twenty five years and she has always been like this but he can no longer tolerate her because he feels suffocated.

At first he felt flattered and truly loved by her because of her possessiveness but it became an obsession over the years and it’s no longer attractive when you are constantly been watched and accused of what you didn’t do.

She practically wants to smell his boxers, each time he comes home. Any whimp of a strange smell of perfume will cause a huge fight between them. This is weighing him down and he is thinking of separation.

His wife is a loving woman and a wonderful mother as he said but her jealousy has dampened her good qualities.

Even their children have cautioned and reassured her like he is doing everyday, but she won’t change.

Well I think the woman has a clear case of insecurity and no reassurance by her husband can help her unless she gets help from a therapist.

It is a compulsive behaviour she cannot control and she may not be happy with her actions but she can’t help herself.

She may also be suffering from depression and severe anxiety brought on by this issue and it can be amplified by menopause which her husband says she is currently experiencing.

At this point, I implored my friend to take it easy with her and gently plead with her to seek help from a professional. Her obsessive and compulsive behaviour cannot be wished away unless there is a professional intervention.

He still loves her, he claimed and I think their marriage is worth saving if he is willing to help her.

There is always one issue or another in every marriage. No marriage is ever perfect no matter how long you have been married.

THE RIGHT PARTNER

Who is the right partner? That was the question some young people asked me.

They want to know the true definition of the right partner and how to identify one.

To me, there is no clear definition of the right partner because people seek different things from their relationship, although I believe there should be some basic qualities that will stand out as a guide to identifying the right partner.

This will truly help the vunerable ones and some young people to know what to look for in a partner.

In the absence of basic rules, I think our guide to choosing the right person should be our relationship needs.

If you value wealth, then a rich man or woman might be the right person for you.

If looks, is what matters to you, then look for a cute partner. If it’s all about bedroom antics, by all means go for it. It really all depends on your relationship needs.

I consider a romantic man who appreciates me and he is also fiercingly loyal to me, as the right one for me.

These qualities I highlighted for myself, may not be important to other people.

Some live from day to day and don’t care who rocks their world today or tomorrow but I feel everyone should have a clear vision of what they seek in a partner.

It will enable us to sift out the shaft from the grains and make it easier to choose.

In conclusion, seek a partner that treats you right and you should also strive to be the right partner.

A SIMPLE LIFE

I’ve been called upon to serve as the president of my town’s women group and I have also been nominated to be the Ward chairperson of my political party, which comes with a lot of perks.

I am indeed flattered by these two nominations but I want none of it. Not because I am afraid to serve my community neither do I feel inadequate.

I just want my life as simple as it can be. I like it light and happy, no heavy lifting. Moreover I don’t have to lead before I can make a meaningful contribution to my group or my party.

Gone are those days, I want to be all I am being offered now and run at the pace of a superwoman. My priorities have changed, so is my life. I want peace and quiet without being idle.

This brings to mind what choices to make in a relationship, when couples want different things.

How do you successfully make this transition from your old lifestyle to the new one without breaking up your relationship?

I’ve witnessed a situation where a couple almost got divorced because the man wanted to permanently move to the countryside after he retired. Like me, he wanted peace and quiet while the wife preferred the city life.

It was a tough battle between both of them. The wife did not back down and the husband was ready to move alone.

Reason eventually prevailed when their friends and family intervened. They now share their time between two homes, the city and their country home. Weekdays in the city and weekends at their country home. Case closed, problem solved.

My point is this, we can amicably resolve issues as a couple if we are determined to stay together, regardless of what changes we individually want in our lives.

It doesn’t have to end in rancour. If there is truly a will, there is a way.

ACCEPTING A GIFT

Two beautiful young ladies, were curious to know the etiquette of accepting financial or material gift from men that shows interest in them.

They are constantly been wooed with gifts by men and accepting these gifts has become an issue to them.

I normally don’t accept gifts from men I have no interest in dating or from a man that is wooing me.

Things has to be settled between us before I can take anything from him. That means we have to be in a relationship before we can reach that point.

I just don’t feel it is proper to collect a gift from a man, I may eventually reject his love advances. It’s like rubbing salt to an open wound.

A man once challenged me for not accepting his gift. He said I should accept what is given to me since I didn’t request for it and it was freely given.

I do not agree with his opinion because he wouldn’t have given me the gift in the first place, if not for his interest in me.

I simply don’t want him to expect anything in return or think I owe him.

There are men who also collect their gifts back from women that reject their love advances and that makes it difficult for some of us to accept gifts from men that we are not dating unless we are friends.

I’ve shared my thought on this issue with these two young ladies and it’s up to them to decide the way to go.

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

I remember when I use to cry myself to sleep each time my heart was broken. I went through so much stress, those few times and I’ve gone on for six months at a time crying over a heartbreak.

My life stood still for half a year. You can imagine what I could have achieved within six months instead of mopping around over a breakup.

My heartbreaks were indeed few but were intense because I genuinely loved whoever it was that broke my heart.

Whenever I got over my breakup, I felt a tonne of load lifted off my shoulders. As if nothing that difficult, had happened to me. So what was the big deal after all, I asked myself.

I got to a breaking point, when I was treated shabbily by the one I loved. I questioned the justification of agonising over someone that was nasty to me for reasons best known to him.

Tough as it maybe, that was the turning point for me.

The pain some of us put ourselves through over heartbreaks are unnecessary. We are literarily killing a small fly with a sledge hammer.

I see it as stressing too much over nothing. This pain will definitely pass, if we persevere a little without punishing or killing ourselves.

When your heart is broken and you need to cry or pine over the breakup, cry a little. Don’t over process your thought and move on quickly.

Tears may come at night but joy will surely come in the morning. Don’t do too much for too little.

MY TWO YEARS JOURNEY

It’s been two years since I started bunchup.WordPress.com and I’ve not looked back since that beautiful Sunday afternoon.

Writing has given me the platform to express myself and share my thought on love and relationship.

While growing up, I didn’t have anyone to mentor or counsel me on relationship and life in general. I was quite naive and I was easily intimidated.

What really kept me going during those period was my outlook to life and my ability to decipher, right from wrong.

Not having a mentor while I was much younger, drove me to become a counselor. So that, I can counsel others who have no one to seek guidance from.

I’ve made my own share of mistakes and I do have some regrets especially with my friendship and relationship. Nevertheless life has been fair to me and I’m happy for the woman I have become. I am also not doing badly in my chosen field.

I want to use this forum to thank my dear friend, Klaus Peter, (Guten tag!) you’re always awesome. Dozie Nwubani, I appreciate you.

I want to also thank my co-bloggers for their support and encouragement. Tom and Audrey you make me blush with your beautiful comment, I love you both. My dear Jennifer Juneau, near or far you remain special.

Dave Gardner, Frank Solanki, Nderi Sarah, Ron Walker, Jing Sebastian, Supreet, Ted Campbell, Paul Sunstone, Cristian Mihai, Nistur Anadi, Elisabeth, designwithflair, Jay Colby, Subhash Chatterji.

My great chef Hang, I love your recipes. Jerri Peri, crazyloveparents, Ruchi, Megala, dfriend1991, KR, Archana and many others too numerous to mention. You are all doing a wonderful job. Wish I can visit your blogs often. WordPress is a family and I’m happy to be part of you guys.

To my readers, I owe you a depth of gratitude for reading my post even though it’s not perfect. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Keep encouraging me by reading my post and my co- bloggers post as well. Your comments and criticism will be most appreciated.

I am leaving everyone with this words and it is one of my favourite quote. “It is not over, until it’s over’ This is just the beginning of the good things to come to everyone one of us. Amen to that.

DATING YOUR BESTFRIEND’S EX

How does it feel to date your bestfriend’s ex? It seems awkward to me but I haven’t experienced it before.

One thing I cherish most in friendship and in my relationship, is loyalty. My friends partner, whether current or ex are off limit for me and that’s my own way of showing loyalty to them.

I consider a friend dating my ex as disloyal, especially if she was a confidant during my relationship with him.

I know my ex owes me nothing and he is free to date whoever he wants but the sentimental me, will not be comfortable with him dating my best friend.

It will even be harder on me, if I still love him or if we parted ways with bitterness.

I am good at forgiving people when they hurt me but this might make it a bit difficult to overlook because I will see her as taking sides with my ex and that will be a betrayal to me.

It may sound petty to others but I won’t blame anyone for resenting his or her bestfriend for choosing to date their ex.

There is no law against dating your bestfriend’s ex but it leaves a sour taste in the mouth.

I agree we can’t choose who we fall in love with but I think it’s best we avoid hurting our friends by staying off their current or ex partners.

Please look out for my mid week post on Wednesday the 23rd of August. It is bunchup anniversary special.