KEEPING UP WITH THE FAMILY TRADITION

Easter is here again and I can’t believe I am laid back and not running around trying to cook the best meal to fete friends and people around me. I’m at home watching movies and sleeping intermittently. Enjoying my holiday alone.

Easter celebrations was a big thing with my parents. We had an Easter tradition which we strictly adhere to. It was about church activities, cooking, baking and sharing.

There are different traditional easter meals we cooked and gave out to everyone we knew. It was always a big funfare and I was happy to help my mother in the kitchen despite always being covered in flour while mixing the dough.

Many years down the line with my parents long gone, I haven’t been able to maintain that tradition. My siblings had carried on with it, with their own individual families but I couldn’t. Not because I don’t want to, but it is too much work for me.

Back then, we had dishes that took us three days to prepare and my older siblings were there to help. (By the way, I am the youngest of them.)

We had this beans meal made with coconut milk. We had to crack and grate a large number of coconut for long hours because of the quantity of milk we needed.

Baking and cooking starts from Holy Thursday till Saturday and we continued on Easter Sunday after church service. Easter Monday was used as a resting day after attending church activities.

Some of my siblings have continued to lovingly scold me for not keeping up with our Easter family tradition.

I honestly don’t see it as a big deal but they always like to make me feel guilty.

They don’t want to understand my schedule and I have no helping hand. Especially to crack and grate the coconut. I dare not buy aIready made coconut milk, my sisters will not let me be, if they knew it was not home made.

I can cook other simple meals but no, it has to be my mother’s traditional food or nothing else. My siblings think, it’s a way of honouring her memory during the Easter festivities.

They figured if they can do it, why can’t I.

There are so many people who haven’t been able to continue with one family tradition or another. Even the ones that are more serious than mine.

Things are different when we become adults, faced with life challenges. We may not be able to continue in our family footsteps.

I don’t think people should see that as being irresponsible. Some people are so engrossed with their own lives that they can not maintain a family tradition, keep a family heirloom or continue with a generational family business. It is not selfishness to me, it is called living.

I do not have anything against family traditions but there should be room for flexibility. Nothing is constant in life, except change.

If you can continue with your family tradition, please do. Play your part but don’t criticise your partner or other people for not keeping up with their own neither should you make them feel irresponsible.

May we find our way, all through our journey in life with joy and happiness. Happy Easter.

MY REGRET

I hear people say they have no regret, they are living their lives the way they planned and dreamed it. The much older ones said, they have lived a fulfilling life with no regret.

People live fulfilling lives that I agree, but that doesn’t mean they have no regret.

Well I don’t believe an adult has no regret. So it’s up to those who choose to see it differently to decide if their life is flawless.

No one has a perfect life, we all make mistakes. We must have taken one or two decisions in our lives that we regretted or taken a turn that derailed our dreams, left us disappointed and full of regrets.

I have taken decisions that I regretted and I’m not ashamed to own up to it or accept the entire blame.

It’s my life and it’s my problem. So I accept every blame that comes with it but to say I have no regret, is a lie.

I’ve spent unwisely before and I’ve also invested in businesses that didn’t yield any fruit. Money issues doesn’t really bother me much because each time I failed in business, I got back up through the grace of God with hardwork.

Moreover materialism is not a big deal to me but in hindsight, I wished I did things differently.

That said, my major regret is the choices I made in my relationships with friends, my partner and family.

Most times I took the wrong decisions out of naivety. I was too trusting and overly empathetic. I took in so much, made sacrifices for people that don’t really deserve it.

Nevertheless, it is one thing to make mistakes and bravely own up to it without dwelling on the past and not beating up yourself for it.

It is another thing to blame people for your mistakes and not accept it. Living in denial.

I have chosen to admit my mistakes and not blame anyone for it. Admitting to it, doesn’t mean I’m dwelling on the past or beating up myself.

I am only evaluating how far, I’ve come with all my mistakes and how much I’ve learnt from it.

It took so long for me to get to where I am now but I got here anyway and I’m better for it.

In essence, owning up to your life mistakes doesn’t make you a failure and it doesn’t make your life any less fulfilling. It only shows you’re a conqueror. Who fell and rose again. To me, that is a badge of honour.

A NAGGING PARTNER

I don’t find it funny when my partner complains all the time, over every little mistake. A nagging partner makes me feel inadequate or not good enough for him.

I don’t nag neither do I like it. Some of our partners that whine and whine may not even know they are hurting us with their constant nagging.

Some may not even have a genuine reason for disapproving your choices. They just want to be heard.

I see nagging as a bullying technic. This may sound extreme but if you have a partner that will not stop complaining about your mistakes or the choices you make day in day out, you will definitely know what I’m talking about.

For example, if you shower without stretching out the shower curtain when you’re done, he complains. If you drop a plate in the sink without washing it immediately, complain. Not minding you maybe too tired to wash it there and then.

If you’re in a hurry and couldn’t lay the bed in the morning, hoping to lay it when you come back home in the evening, another complain.

If you forget to empty the thrash can, hell is let loose. If you wear a red shoe instead of blue, not good enough. It is an unending list of complain. Some partners just can’t sometimes, look the other way.

They feel they are standing their ground or whipping their partner back in line by complaining and nagging the hell out of them.

Men and women are both guilty of nagging, that is a fact.

I know how I feel when my partner constantly rebuke me, so I won’t like to do it to anyone. I will rather pick up after my partner.

Talk about whatever he is doing wrong once in a while or jokely raise the issue without over stressing it. My point will still be clear instead of nagging him.

You don’t have to point out your partner’s mistakes everytime. Kids don’t also like it, when you constantly nag them. They can become rebellious or intimidated and withdrawn.

If your kids know you can’t stop pointing out their every mistake, they will always want to avoid you or pretend when they are around you.

When you nag your house help and other staff all the time, there is a very high chance, they will hate you. Sabotage your work or run away, unless they have no choice.

Nagging is not a way to earn respect or whip back anyone to shape. It is discomforting and discouraging. It only shows, you’re intolerant of other people’s mistakes or choices.

I am not saying, you should not complain or call your partner or wards to order when they are wrong. You can yell or get mad if you have to, but don’t make it a habit. Let it not be a daily thing or a long bitter outburst. As if you see nothing good in them, except negatively.

You achieve more in your relationships, by treating others as a human being with feelings. Know they can make mistakes or forget to do things and can adjust if called to order without making it a nagging affair.

Put yourself in other people’s shoes. You won’t be happy if someone keeps complaining about your shortcomings and choices. That is exactly how other’s feel, unhappy!

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

Why do some people think love at first sight is always a mere infatuation or lust?

For some people, it may be based on infatuation but it can also be real and genuine for others. I don’t think we should assume that, everyone that falls instantly in love with us is telling a lie or only infatuated.

I believe you can meet someone for the first time and fall in love with him or her for real. Love is a natural feeling and it is not something we can control.

Those who think love at first sight is always based on infatuation and lust, believe you have to know someone very well or get close to them before you can truly love them. They also believe any instant claim of love is outrageous, shallow and deceitful.

My point is this, love and affection can develop without warning. You can suddenly be drawn to a person and instantly fall in love with this person. It is very possible and I’ve seen it happen.

There is no mathematics or geography in love. One plus one may not necessarily be two when it comes to love, depending on the angle you’re looking at it.

From my own angle, love deals with feelings and emotions. You can not predict your feelings or how you will react, unless you encounter a situation.

Moreover we don’t get to chose who we love. It is determined by nature and the circumstances we find ourselves.

While playing it safe and weary of instant love, just sift out the truth from the lies and give the person that claims to love you a chance.

As in every other thing in life, there are no guarantees even in deep rooted relationships but I believe in love at first sight.

LEARN TO SAY NO

I felt it was selfish to say “No” to my partner, family and friends, even when I had to go out of my way to please them but it is not.

Not knowing how to say no to people have cost me alot of discomfort and regret. I always want to please people to show my humility and to show how much I care about them but they won’t hesitate to give me a cold shoulder when push comes to shove.

Most people are basically selfish, they will always ask and want more, especially when they know you’re kind and willing but they are not ready to give in return.

Once they find a gullible person in you, you’re in trouble. They will continue to take advantage of you until you learn to say no.

When you start refusing their request, you’re no longer seen as a good person.

That is why we should learn to say no to things we are not comfortable with and not be vulnerable to abuse by selfish people.

We should also extend it to our partner because you can’t also please them all the time.

I know we have to make a lot of sacrifices in our marriages or partnership but I believe we don’t have to completely bend inside out to please our partner or do unethical things to show we love them.

Some of us don’t know how to say no. If your partner or anyone is asking you to do what you detest, please say no. You can let him or her down gently but make sure you get the message through to him.

No one should force you to do what you don’t want to do. Don’t feel obliged to say yes to what will dehumanise you, simply because you love your partner too much to refuse her.

If you’re going to hate your partner later for it, put your foot down and say no.

Love yourself enough to know when and how to say no to a request that is detrimental to your health, happiness and wellbeing. Saying no to your partner doesn’t make you a bad person or make you to love him less, as long as you’re saying no for the right reason.

Don’t do what you will regret later, loving someone doesn’t mean you have to please them all the time.

MARITAL STATUS

I don’t know why people judge others by their marital status.

Even when you’re filling forms to obtain your drivers license or other things, you find a column for marital status.

Who cares, who is single, married or divorced. Unless you’re interested in a relationship with the person why should you care. Why should it matter so much to the society. I think a next of kin column can serve the purpose a marital status column will serve.

Married or single, should not be a form of identity or a yard stick to measure who is responsible or not.

If you’re seeking for a political office in my part of the world, the first thing people want to know about you is your marital status. As if it will determine your efficiency.

That is why some people in my country rush into marriage or stay in a bad one, so that they can earn the respect of the society. You find men introducing themselves as a responsible family man to oil their over bloated ego.

Women also judge their fellow women. Single or divorced women are isolated at towns meetings. Married women meet as a group, while the other women meet with the men’s group. Creating an artificial barrier among themselves and giving room for gossip.

It is indeed a sad perspective to life. Married, single or divorced means nothing to me as long as you’re happy. I feel so sad, living in a society that judge people by their marital status.

It is simply myopic. God does not judge anyone by their marital status. You’re individually judged by the most high and he will not ask you, for your spouse or children on the judgement day.

It will be everyone for himself or herself. I just hope my country can move away from this archaic belief and step into the light.

Married, single or divorced, should not determine your happiness. It is you that knows where the shoe pinches and no one can judge you, if they haven’t walked in your shoes.

Whatever your status is, don’t let people stereotype you and label you. You’re are a star, a shinning star and no one should make you feel any less.

PUTTING YOURSELF OUT THERE

I recently had a conversation with a lady in her mid thirties and she told me she doesn’t want to search for a partner by herself. She wants God to send someone to her.

This is a lady that runs a home based tailoring business. Doesn’t go out much, except when she goes to supply the school uniforms she sows for private schools. The other places she visits, are the market and the church.

She doesn’t like to attend parties or join a dating site. She is also not in any group in her church. According to her, she is a lone ranger.

All she believes is that, God will miraculously send a partner to her. Perhaps a stranger will knock on her door and sweep her off her feet. How that will happen, I do not know.

I know God works in mysterious ways but how will she meet the partner, that God will send to her if she locks herself up at home and hardly mingle.

I am not saying she cannot meet someone on her market or supply runs but she believes, she doesn’t have to make herself available before her God sent partner finds her.

I told her to join a youth group in her church if she doesn’t want to socialise on any other platform. At least put herself somewhere, somebody will notice her. Hiding at home and praying for a partner, is like praying for a job without searching for it.

Every believer wants God to give them a worthy partner, we all pray for it but you have to make an effort yourself. You have to put yourself where you will be found not hide yourself. You can’t just sit back and expect a miracle to happen.

It is a child that raises his arms that the mother will carry. It is when you make an effort that God will support you.

If you want God to send you a partner, you have to take the first step. Put yourself out there and pray to God for the right person to find you. Not hide yourself and put God to task.

Heaven helps those who help themselves.

NEAR BUT FAR

Do you know you can be in a relationship and still feel lonely?

When your partner is not connecting with you on so many levels and you have this feeling of emptiness, then you’re in a near but far relationship.

Such partner are physically near but emotionally disconnected and distance. You can feel their physical presences in your life but their actions and attitude towards you, makes you feel lonely.

A near but far partner, always think she is doing her best to make you happy while the opposite is the case. To them, you’re being too hard to please.

A partner that likes to do everything on his own without involving or informing his spouse, is near but far. They keep secrets, while you are open to him or her.

They feel more superior especially when they are successful and powerful. Some have nothing, only ego yet they feel more superior. They also like to subdue their partner and they are equally controlling.

Their manner of approach may be business like because they don’t want to give you an opportunity to argue with them and they feel, they are always right.

When you argue with a partner that is near but far or try to get your point across to him, he will say you’re not being submissive.

Some see you as a possession not a partner. Others may not necessarily have a negative attittude but they just don’t know, how to relate with you. This brings up continuous disagreement, leaving you disconnected.

Once there is no togetherness in your relationship and you find yourself or your partner leading an individual life with no emotional connection, please know you’re in a near but far relationship.

I don’t like to struggle for my partner’s affection so a near but far relationship is not for me.

It is either my body and soul including my partner’s are involved or I opt out. I will gladly Iook for someone else that is more than willing to stay emotionally connected to me than settle for less because staying in a near but far relationship can make one miserable and sad.

As I’ve said in my last post, it is good to share our lives with a partner but we should be with people that shows they genuinely want and value us.

There is no point in getting involved or staying involved with someone that makes you feel alone and unloved.

A near but far relationship is the same thing as being alone.

SINGLE FOR A REASON

Valentine’s day has come and gone, yet some people have remained single. Many don’t mind their single status, while others does but they all have reasons for staying single.

Some people find it hard to love and trust again, when their hearts has been broken. They shut down and close up their hearts. Not wanting to take any risk or get involved with someone else.

Others are yet to find a compatible partner and have remained single for this reason.

Some few friends have also told me that, they are too busy for any romantic relationship or marriage. They like being single and only want to satisfy their sexual needs.

With the above highlighted reasons for being single, I still believe in getting involved. A relationship is a beautiful place to be. Finding someone to love and care for, is simply awesome.

I am not emphasising on marriage but at least have a companion, have someone in your life that will keep you company. You can take it to the next level if you wish.

Love and relationship is therapeutic for whoever find a good and considerate soul to love. I will rather be in love than be alone.

Loneliness is not a good thing both mentally and physically. The warmth and companionship of a genuine partner, can lift your spirit and cheer you up.

Life is ever challenging and walking through it alone, is tough. Why not get a compatible partner to walk through life with you and make life a little less difficult.

I know you’re single for a reason but you have the power to change your status. You can’t say because your heart was broken you will never love again.

Would you say, you will not drive again because you had a vehicular accident? You will only be careful the next time you handle a vehicle. Same with falling in love.

I know there is no perfect human being but you can find someone that can treat you right. There is always a partner for everyone of us. All we need to do, is to open up ourselves to the right person.

Love begins with you.

CELEBRATING LOVE

The world is in a frenzy because of Valentine’s day celebration. Year after year, it is being colourfully celebrated. I guess Valentine’s day has come to stay and we all know it, as an official day for celebrating love.

I don’t have much lined up for today, except for work and sharing gifts with friends. I will probably watch a movie when I get back home, listen to music and dance to my heart’s delight.

I have no lunch date nor a dinner date planned. No one is serenading me neither am I expecting any gift or cards. It’s just me and my God. (super)

That doesn’t make it, less fun for me. I am in a cheerful mood and basking in the euphoria of this happy day. Believing still in love and celebrating it in my own way.

There is an official day to mark one thing or the other. Just like father’s day and mother’s day celebrations, etc. So it is really awesome to have a special day to celebrate love.

Bless the soul of Saint Valentine who was considered worthy of celebrating and has made February 14 a day to celebrate love.

I pray today brings a lot of joy to everyone and may those who are looking for love find it.

Happy Valentine’s day to all my family, friends, co- bloggers and readers. Have fun and make it a memorable day.

Spread love today and always..