TAKING A BREAK

Christmas is just a week away and I’m already feeling the joy that comes with it. It’s a great season of celebration. A time to give and enjoy with loved ones.

Everywhere is bustling with activities, infact the traffic in my part of the world has been incredibly tight for the past five days. All because of Christmas.

This is one holiday, I am forever looking forward to and l’ve equally chosen this wonderful period to take a break from work. Stretch my legs and generally relax.

I am also taking a break from posting on my blog, bunchup.WordPress.com for a little while. This is my first time of ever doing so, since l started my blog.

l will be right back on time. Bringing along, fresh and delightful new post.

Please bear with me, my dear readers and co-bloggers. You have all been amazing, sticking with me and supporting me for over two years.

I do sincerely appreciate all your visit and clicks. Let’s do it again in 2018.

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Successful new year. I pray the coming year brings forth peace and joy. Amen.

See you in 2018 by His grace.

Merry Christmas and A Prosperous New year. Hippie!!!

KNOWING WHEN TO GIVE

It has always been difficult for me to ask people for help and money is one of the most difficult thing for me to demand from anyone because l don’t know what the other person is going through financially.

People may see this attitude as pride or arrogance but it’s none of it. I only don’t wish to be a burden.

I can share my problems with you but l won’t ever ask you for help. It’s up to those who wish to help me, to willingly do so.

I’ve been told by a few people to ask for help when l need it because some will not help, unless they are asked to despite them knowing your problems. Well l haven’t still found my voice to ask, till date.

This brings to mind, my experience with my partner. Throughout our relationship, l didn’t request for favours from him except for his time but he frequently asked me for things which l obliged whenever l can.

He comes to my home for meals, always wanting me to pamper him and assist him with his business but he couldn’t spend his own penny on me.

In fairness to him, l never directly asked him for any favour. He knows me for that, moreover l saw him as a stingy fellow. He won’t chip in anything voluntarily not even buy me a birthday present.

He said he doesn’t give unless he is asked to give but he can take when he is given.

Funny! He expects me to demand for a birthday gift from him before he buys me one, how silly!

Anyway, I was so hard up at a point that l lamented to him, not request and all he did was to listen to my lamentation and nod his head in sympathy.

knowing l was dead broke, he still ate my food that day and drank my herbal tea without helping with a penny.

This was a very comfortable man, who took from me but couldn’t help me when l needed his help.

Believe me, l was not feeling entitled to his help but l felt kindness begets kindness.

He would brag about helping his ex girlfriend pay her tuition fee while he literally watched me bleed in pain and couldn’t buy me a plaster to seal up my wound.

You may blame me for not asking him directly for his help or looking up to him for help.

I felt as a human being and a romantic partner, he saw what l was going through and he knew l was in dire need of help. He should have at least said something kind. Not just stand by and watch me suffer when he had more than enough to help me with.

Well he doesn’t help unless he is asked to, was his rhethoric and forever excuse.

He probably wasn’t in love with me but that is not the issue here.

My point is, we should know when to assist our partners, even when they don’t ask.

Some people like me, don’t know how to make demands. So when you see your partner struggling, please help them if you can afford to since it is not an everyday thing and you know they are not with you for what they can get. Moreover they are willing to help you too when you’re in need.

Don’t wait for them to ask before you know when to give. If you don’t have, make it clear to them you know what they are going through and are willing to help if you had the opportunity to do so.

That means you’re a caring partner, who knows what to do at the appropriate time and it will also show you’re aware of their pain even though you’re not told directly.

Knowing you’re willing to help, may just be enough.

TO DIVORCE OR NOT

I was asked an incredible question this past week and it made me feel uncomfortable. A woman asked me, if she should divorce her husband or not. She said, it is hard for her to reach a decision on her own. So l should help her out.

In the first place, nobody asked her to get married. She should also not expect anyone to tell her to get a divorce.

It’s obvious she is confused and torn between ending her marriage or staying put but she can’t just walk up to me because we her friends and expect me to help her end her marriage.

I know she is looking for someone to point her in the right direction but she seems to be going about it the wrong way.

Anyway l won’t be the one to encourage her to divorce her spouse. l honestly don’t know what problem she has with her partner and she won’t give details. She only said, she is tired of him.

It’s sometimes difficult to walk out of a marriage. It takes guts to simply walk away and not look back.

Nevertheless, this is a decision nobody can take for you because only you know where the shoe pinches. Aside that, it’s your life and your problem.

So don’t put such a heavy burden on your family and friends shoulders by asking them to decide whether you should stay or end your marriage over your marital issues.

You will hate them forever if they advised you to divorce your spouse and you did but regretted it later.

I won’t advice anyone to suggest divorce for a marriage you’re not personally involved.

It is risky advising anyone to leave their spouse even though they asked for your advice as a family or as a friend. Be diplomatic with your response or point them to the direction of a skilled therapist.

Don’t be the fall guy and don’t allow empathy to overwhelm you. It’s not in anyone’s place to breakup a marriage. Truly “what God has joined together let no man put asunder”

A SOLID FOUNDATION

For a marriage to last long and be enjoyable, I believe a rock solid foundation is a contributing factor.

I’ve counseled quite a number of couples and l’ve seen so much in marriages, to have reached this conclusion.

In counseling, l found out that some people wobbled and fumbled into marriages with no strong foundation and they fell apart within few years.

Others were lucky to maintain stability in their homes, despite a wobbly foundation but it took them a lot of perseverance.

A solid marriage foundation, starts with friendship, progresses to a relationship then to marriage. It is effectively nourished with a good communication skill and no assumptions.

Such relationship has to be built on genuine love, trust, sincerity and kindness with no sinister motive, like marrying for money, class, caste, sex, status and every other wrong reasons.

The truth is, you can not completely know your spouse no matter how long you’ve been married but you can tolerate each other to a large extent if your marriage was built on a solid ground. 

It doesn’t mean you will not get into arguments or get mad at each other but your fights may not easily lead to a break up because you understand each other reasonably well.

I know there are no guarantees in life and people with strong relationship foundation can also falter but the rate of divorce is relatively smaller in this group compared to those who were built on a wobbly ground and this is exactly my point.

Even if you decide to break up, there will be less tension because you were once friends.

This is the 21st century, know what you’re doing, when choosing your spouse. Don’t add sentiments to it and don’t look the other way when something is clearly wrong. Don’t be overwhelmed by your emotions.

If you observe something is wrong, deal with it before tying the knot and don’t imagine every thing will naturally fall into place when you get married. They mostly don’t and you may end up regretting your decision for the rest of your life.

No one is perfect and no marriage is also perfect but you can at least marry your friend, someone you have alot in common with and together you can build a solid marriage.

LOST AND FOUND

A young father of two, left home for work one morning and he didn’t return home as usual after the day’s work.

His phone was switched off and all attempt to reach him was futile.

After a frantic search for a month, he was presumed dead by his family. Only his wife thought he was still alive because his body was not found.

Well the father of two, eventually resurfaced after eight months when he ran out of money.

He reached out to a close friend for financial assistant and confessed to him that he was tired of his marriage and he didn’t want any family drama. So he pulled the disappearing act to get his wife, off his back.

Angry with his friend disappearing stunt, he told everyone involved and that was how they all knew he delibrately ran away from home.

Why do that, I commented when l was told. Why put your family and friends in agony? Why not just ask for a divorce and work things out amicably or go tough to reach a divorce settlement. That is still better than running away.

Only a coward or a mean spirited fellow will do that. Without thinking of his parents, kids and friends he ran away without a trace leaving them to grieve for his death when he is alive.

As a friend, I will probably not have anything to do with such a person again. Even as a family, trust will forever be thrown out of the window.

Not matter how difficult things may be, face your challenges instead of running away. The problem we are running away from, will be there waiting for us when we come back.

It’s like drowning yourself in alcohol to forget your problem. When the effect of the drink disappears, the problem will still be staring at you in the face wearing suit and tie.

Let’s not continue to sweep our problems under the carpet, hoping it will go away. Challenges don’t have wings, they can’t fly away. Stay and resolve it or learn to live with it, if it can’t be resolved. At least you know you tried your best.