AWAKENED LOVE

I once fell in love with someone, who woke up a torrent of love and emotions in me without the intention of truly loving me.

I wasn’t really into him at the beginning. I only saw him as someone I could relate with intellectually.

Getting close to him, I found out he was funny, neat, polished and intelligent, absolutely my kind of man. That excited me, especially with him keeping up with my playful side.

When the window of opportunity came, he pursued me relentlessly and I gave in. Falling hopelessly in love with him.

In my mind, l thought it was a match made in heaven.

He did set my soul on fire and my love for him burnt wild.

Suddenly and without any warning, he began to drift away. He didn’t share any intimacy with me, except a few stolen kisses and he became too busy to see me. Cranky and impatient with me.

After a while, I figured it was a game to him because he had no excuse for his actions and his disappearing act.

I truly felt like a lab experiment with the way he treated me. It was as if he was testing me, to know my reactions to his overtures and when he got his answers he started misbehaving.

Instinctively, I knew he had a sinister motive. So I broke it off, instead of accomodating his endless excuses and lies.

How cruel of him, I thought. Why would anyone relentlessly chase a man or a woman, you don’t want.

Why would you tease someone for no reason and awaken their love, when you have no intention of loving them.

How do they look at themselves in the mirror? I wondered.

Well, it is history now. Though I came out of it hurt, I also learnt a lesson.

I just hope, people who awaken others love with evil intentions, will quit doing this.

It is cruel to make someone love you and you neglect them.

What you don’t want to eat, don’t taste it. Don’t even smell it.

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THE BEST PLACE TO BE

I promised myself a few years back not to argue with anyone, no matter how desperate I want to prove a point. Well I am still actively making efforts to keep to it.

So when a lady friend told me the best place for a woman to be, is in a beautiful marriage. I kept calm and listened to her. Only voicing my opinion when she finished.

She said, she is honestly tired of coming in and out of relationships. She wished, she was married.

She needed stability in her romantic life and marriage is the only answer.

l wondered what gave her the impression that she won’t also come in and out of marriage as she did in her relationships.

I totally believe in marriage but the world does not start and end with it. Moreover, you have to love and have confidence in yourself before you seek love from others.

No one can give you happiness or stability except yourself. Happiness and self worth comes within.

This will in turn, give you the strength to unconditionally love another and be appreciated.

Desperate as she is for a romantic stability, she will one day rush into marriage, get hurt and rush out.

l’ve done my bit as a counselor, by advising her to take a step back. Restrategise and reappraise her relationship goals. Change her taste in men since the ones she has been dating are not working for her.

While doing that, she should stop thinking marriage is the only way to get romantic stability or the beginning and the end of life.

I also told her not to define herself by her relationship success or failure. Above all, she should find happiness and fulfillment within before attempting marriage.

SHE COMES FIRST

I had a conversation with a middle aged man, who told me his wife is a wonderful woman and no other woman comes before her. She is first he said, yet he has strings of girlfriends.

He comes home very late everyday with little or no time to spend with his so called wonderful wife.

Hardly ever available for family outings and most of his free time is spent with girlfriends in guest houses and hotel bars.

He loves his beer and his countless women, still he claims his wife comes first.

What the hoops is he talking about, I queried. His actions apparently contradicts his words. To me, his wife obviously comes last.

No man or woman will consider their spouse first and spend most of their time with other people, unless it is work related.

They will be happy to spend their free time with their spouse, not lock themselves up in a hotel room with girlfriends or boyfriends.

When l asked him why he has numerous girlfriends despite having a lovely wife. He said, (generalising is first line of response) one woman can not satisfy a man and he will always have his flings but he will not bring another woman into his matrimonial home.

He won’t ever divorce his wife nor marry a second wife. That in his mind, makes his wife to be the first.

Everything he said to me, made me to conclude is a selfish man. Who is only concerned about himself and his needs.

He has no love or respect for any woman, not even for his wonderful wife. Whom he says, is sweet and caring.

I told him, he is a chronic flirt. He is eating his cake and having it because his wife permitted him. She probably kept a blind eye to his philandering for peace sake.

I won’t agree to spend the rest of my life with such a cheat. A man that will rather spend his time with other women and keep me only as his first lady, has no place in my life.

It is wrong to put your partner first with words and treat them last with your actions. If he or she comes first in your life, show them in words and in your actions.

NOT A VICTIM

Each time my heart is broken or someone let me down, l cry like a baby and feel like a victim of a monumental injustice.

One minute l was celebrating victory over my excessive emotions and sentiments. The next, l started crying like a baby.

Yesterday, l was deeply hurt by those l call friends and those l loved. l cried myself to sleep last night but woke up this morning to ask myself these questions, “when will you take a firm grip of your emotions” “When will you stop completely trusting people and stop adding sentiments to all issues”

l always consider myself a strong woman, in the face of adversity but when the chips are down, l drop like a jelly and cry my eyes out.

lt’s human to feel pain when you’re hurt but to wallow in self pity, is detrimental to one’s health.

So how long will l allow my so call oppressors to win? How long will l continue to cry and see myself as a victim each time the ball drops on my lap.

Enough! l told myself this morning but l’ve heard me say that too many times. I’m only praying now and working through the ropes to really stand firmly on “enough” and push forward.

l’ve refused to tag myself a victim and not give anyone the satisfaction of making me cry again. I am not a victim but a victor.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO OFFER?

My niece said, she will not date a man that has nothing to offer her. She has to know what he is bringing to the table before she can agree to a relationship.

She does not want a man that will take from her and not give anything in return.

Take from her, does not mean only love and intimacy. She mentioned her time, respect, Kindness, fidelity, loyalty, including her prayers and many more.

She does not want to be the only one making all the sacrifices. He also has to be seen as been active and involved in the relationship.

I quite agree with her, not because she is my niece. She made some salient points that l found valid.

Some people are actually looking for help not a real relationship and that is their primary motive for going into a union.

They just want to take and take without giving anything in return, even the non physical things. This is not about a man or a woman, it is both.

If a man cannot offer you a gift, he should be able to offer you kindness. If he cannot be loyal to you then he should be faithful and so forth.

Something has just got to give. It is important to know your proposed partner is ready to make sacrifices and he or she is sincere about it. This will give you an idea of what to expect.

If you’re willing to pray for his wellbeing, he should also be willing to say a prayer for you. Aside that, if you give her your time, she should also do the same too. Not becoming too busy to spend her time with you.

We should not fool ourselves at the altar of love. Playing nice to a carefree partner is simply naive.

Love is give and take, it should be so for equity sake.

So what have you got to offer your partner?

MY BIRTHDAY! MY DAY!

Today is my birthday and I’m thankful for the gift of life. God has granted me the grace to reach this age and that’s wonderful. I’m here, still living and waxing strong. Enjoying my life and generally at peace within me.

I am really big on birthdays but I don’t celebrate it anymore with parties like I use to do in the past. I’ve made it a reflective period for me since the last five years.

I take stock of what I’ve done in 365 days. Make changes where necessary and move on to my next birthday but today seems different, I feel like partying and generally having fun.

I have mentioned it severally on my blog that I am overly emotional and I allowed sentiments to run my life which makes me appear very naive. One thing, I have achieved between my last birthday and today, is taking charge of my emotions.

I was an emotional wreck before now. I loved blindly, put others always before me. Yet they take me for granted and throw my love back at my face. Except for few who truly appreciate my love and support.

Always bending backwards to please people, especially my partner. Loving hopelessly and helplessly.

Well things are different now, although I am a work in progress. Still emotional but refined and more in control than I have ever been in the past and it has given me so much relieve and made my life less stressful.

This is enough reason for me to celebrate, put on my shoes and dance a liberating dance to mark my birthday.

Please join me in celebrating a well deserved birthday and a more fulfilling life ahead.

A WIFE AND A MISTRESS

Many women wants to get married and settle down to a blissful union but some ladies prefer to be a mistress to a married man than a wife to a single man.

This may sound odd to you but it does happen. These women are happy and contented in just been a mistress.

They even enjoy more than a wife as some of them claim. Their needs are promptly met and they are free to do whatever they like without been stucked up with a husband that will be dictating to them or nagging them.

Sneaking around with a married man, makes the relationship intriguing and less boring, they said.

Some have sworn to remain a mistress for the rest of their lives. They are also free to have children for these married men if they desire, so they see no need to be an official wife.

They believe marriage is just a piece of paper and MRS is just a mere title.

That said! Everyone is entitled to his or her choices but I don’t think I can handle being a mistress or as others call it, a concubine. I am not good at sharing and what I don’t want others to do to me, I won’t do to them.

I don’t believe love can seriously flourish in such a relationship and I want more than just been a bedmate.

To puncture my opinion, one of the mistresses told me that many women are not happy in their marriages and some men treats their mistresses better than their wives, so I should change my opinion and keep an open mind. Hmmm! I said.

Times are really changing and people are open to different ways of lives from the usual norm.

All the same, it is still nay for me. I will rather be single than be a mistress. I don’t like to be called a concubine or a mistress. I guess that sums it all up.

LOVE AND MONEY

Love and money was a topic I discussed all through the beginning of last week. I listened to various perspective on this topic and I was able to reason out some facts.

Many I spoke with, feels that love can not function without the support of money. They compliment each other, like tea and sugar.

Some said they will not date a partner who has no job. No matter how much they love him and that does not make them a gold digger.

They only want a financially stabIe man, that will not ask them for money and will be seen as responsible. This was said by women.

Another school of thought believes that, money is needed to move a relationship forward. You cannot get married with an empty pocket and live on love.

There are bills to be paid and love can not pay those bills. Some women also believe that, love will eventually fade away if they continue to be in a marriage with a man that can not provide for them.

From what I gathered, money plays a pivotal role in solidifying a relationship built on love and every other foundation.

In my own opinion, money is necessary in a relationship but love is the bonding factor that brings two people together.

For some people, a relationship cannot be established without love and that is also my believe.

These type of people will probably not think of money at the beginning of a relationship and money will also not be a primary attraction.

Moreover, anyone that sees money as a primary reason for getting into a relationship, should not forget that people can lose their jobs and businesses.

What would you do, when that happens? Abandon your partner because he or she is broke or work with him or her to rise up again.

Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion. To me love, is above money and it makes a relationship more interesting. Money is also a necessity but it shouldn’t be a primary focus in a relationship.

INSECURED

My friend has complained bitterly to me that his wife’s jealousy is driving him insane and he can no longer bear it.

He said, she monitors his every move. Looks through his phone and wants to know who he is texting or calling at every given time unless she is not present.

She just assumes he is having an affair while he is not. I asked if he gave her a reason to feel this way. His response was negative.

They have been married for over twenty five years and she has always been like this but he can no longer tolerate her because he feels suffocated.

At first he felt flattered and truly loved by her because of her possessiveness but it became an obsession over the years and it’s no longer attractive when you are constantly been watched and accused of what you didn’t do.

She practically wants to smell his boxers, each time he comes home. Any whimp of a strange smell of perfume will cause a huge fight between them. This is weighing him down and he is thinking of separation.

His wife is a loving woman and a wonderful mother as he said but her jealousy has dampened her good qualities.

Even their children have cautioned and reassured her like he is doing everyday, but she won’t change.

Well I think the woman has a clear case of insecurity and no reassurance by her husband can help her unless she gets help from a therapist.

It is a compulsive behaviour she cannot control and she may not be happy with her actions but she can’t help herself.

She may also be suffering from depression and severe anxiety brought on by this issue and it can be amplified by menopause which her husband says she is currently experiencing.

At this point, I implored my friend to take it easy with her and gently plead with her to seek help from a professional. Her obsessive and compulsive behaviour cannot be wished away unless there is a professional intervention.

He still loves her, he claimed and I think their marriage is worth saving if he is willing to help her.

There is always one issue or another in every marriage. No marriage is ever perfect no matter how long you have been married.

THE RIGHT PARTNER

Who is the right partner? That was the question some young people asked me.

They want to know the true definition of the right partner and how to identify one.

To me, there is no clear definition of the right partner because people seek different things from their relationship, although I believe there should be some basic qualities that will stand out as a guide to identifying the right partner.

This will truly help the vunerable ones and some young people to know what to look for in a partner.

In the absence of basic rules, I think our guide to choosing the right person should be our relationship needs.

If you value wealth, then a rich man or woman might be the right person for you.

If looks, is what matters to you, then look for a cute partner. If it’s all about bedroom antics, by all means go for it. It really all depends on your relationship needs.

I consider a romantic man who appreciates me and he is also fiercingly loyal to me, as the right one for me.

These qualities I highlighted for myself, may not be important to other people.

Some live from day to day and don’t care who rocks their world today or tomorrow but I feel everyone should have a clear vision of what they seek in a partner.

It will enable us to sift out the shaft from the grains and make it easier to choose.

In conclusion, seek a partner that treats you right and you should also strive to be the right partner.